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Monday, July 31, 2006

I like Bossy and I like the video. So if you happen to be wondering why Kelis' bed it out in the yard this is all I have to say:

Damn! If my milkshake brought all the boys to the yard then you better believe I'd be sleeping out there too!

thank you.
kc out

Back in December 2005, Karmacake posted this blog:

Trying to Find My Inner Celebrity

The post spoke of the new software based program that will match your face to that of a celebrity. Eventually the program will be used as a security measure for airports, etc.

Well, Associated Press is ONLY JUST reporting this now.
Karmacake is on the TLC tip!
I just want to gloat.
EAT THAT PAID JOURNALISTS!

Karmacake 4-evah
YOU ARE SLOW!

PS - since the service has been corrected my matches could work out a little better. Click Here to see my results

This link is particularly funny. The KFC window apparently looks like Jim Carrey! No bugs in this program!

Michael Mann's most recent contribution to the feature film circuit is a gritty (and lengthy) "homage" to the 80's iconoclastic tv drama. The original Miami Vice is synonimus for defining the fashion, style and decore of the 80's. Remember pastel blazers, sleeves pushed up and Memphis style interior design? Unfortunatly, the film, lacks the momentum to hold people's attention for 2 and a half hours. I blame lazy editors. "OH JUST PUT THE WHOLE THING TOGETHER. I'm tired, let's get this P.O.S. in the theatres and be done with it."

The movie, not the same as the tv show. Starting from square one, the characters and setting are the same, much is the attempt to focus on the loosely charismatic character Sonny (played by Don Johnston in the original). Okay, I give, Colin Ferrell is a hottie mchotterson, but, truthfully, when Colin hits the screen with his greasy, blond-esque mullet he exudes a dirty trailer park look that is best suited to a type of person harbouring a serious addiction and not one protecting and romancing the ladies.
Let's play a game! Take a shot everytime Ferrell's american accent slips! WHOOPS! How did I get sooooooooo drunk?!?

Oh, right...

But, they still try to awkwardly incorporate hilariously hollow relationship with the good girl, turn bad girl, turn good girl, turn girl in love, turn "pass the dutchie" drug monger's ho, turned damsel in distress, turn girl crying alone on a boat destined for Havana.

For 2 and a half hours, I sat through a film with a remotely engaging plot, characters that I really felt no compassion for, and terrible zingers such as:

-Is it December?
-Why?
-Because I think Christmas came early


But, Michael Mann's obvious kink for sexy shower scenes populate the landscape of the film. So I guess it's not such a loss.

You know an action film is bad when there the film's awesomness is based solely on the coolness of some really fast boats. But, you need to wait like an hour for the boat scenes to appear. And, even then, they just are boating around. Fast. You can tell it's fast because of the wake of the boat looks like it's going fast.

There we a couple of explosions.
But, this film is in the MUST MISS catagory of films.

If you MUST MISS A FILM
MISS MIAMI VICE! Rent the DVD set, it'll be more entertaining then an irritatingly bad film.

Remember THIS GUY?

What if I told you, the creepazoid was making an appearance on Richmond and John Sunday around 12:10pm?

IT'S TRUE!

Standing at the lights, this guy kept staring at me, like he knew me.
I looked over, repulsed I made the scrunchy "ew" face and turned away.
He continues to scope me out, obviously, blantantly, and liciviously.

Then it dawned on me.

The same hideous square head.
The same greasy and thining mane.
The same ineptitude for style.
The same lack of social graces.

LAVALIFE DUDE!
AHAHAHAHA

I fumbled for my camera phone, but, alas it was much too late!

BTW, he's shorter in person. With my savvy nose for vertical alignment, I can say with confidence that he is in the vicinity of 6'0 AND by the looks of the size of his hands, his 7" endowment would be more attribute to fantasy than reality.

AHAHAH

HE'S EVEN MORE REPELLENT IN PERSON!

What a great weekend! From a house party late Friday night, my friend's beautiful Sikh wedding on Saturday, BLVD Nightclub on Saturday night, Miami Vice on Sunday day capped by my friend's wedding reception on Sunday night.

It was a full one but a good one. But, there were two events that really proved to give me enlightenment. The House Party & Jyoti's Wedding.

The house party on Friday night was a little queer, with the exception of one gentleman who caught the eye of both my friend and I. All girlfriends must cross this milestones in their relationships, right? Well, whether he was interested in me or not is immaterial. What is important that in a brief moment with relationships crumbling, people crying, people drunk, and chaos insuing all around me I realize comparitively speaking, my life on the upswing. I understood that what I'm looking for isn't found so much in one person, but in a frame of thought defined by patience, optimism, and goodness of heart.

Fair enough, right?

Saturday's main feature was Jyoti's wedding. A beautiful event that lacked the giddiness of white weddings. Of course that is not a downfall, especially when the wedding takes place with such dignity and elegance I have never seen before. The bride enters the temple like a queen. She is assisted with every step and her role is to be respectful and demure without losing her facade of regality.

The room is divided between the women and the men, prayers are communal and often sung. Children are not discouraged from being children and proceed to have a quiet fun while we all humbly sit, heads covered in a pious respect for our creator.

I was overwhelmed by the radiance of the women's dress. The indian costume is one of richly colour fabrics draped around elegant women. The sari's are hand trimmed with beads, sequins and other fineries that one cannot help but be envious! I had a silk dress on, but, nothing that could compare!

Friday, July 28, 2006

I'm the invisible girl you know the name of.
But, it's just a little too late.

You say you dream of my face.
But, you don't like me.
You just like the chase.

cheers, bitches.
This kid's out for the weekend!

He has a Wikipedia entry.

You can read about Zanta-YESYESYES! By Clicking Here

He also has videos on UTUBE you can access here

Apparently, the word is your guy friends can't just be guy friends they all want to have sex with you. And, 100% of the time, if you offer it up, they will take you up on it.

How does that make you feel?

Slightly related, coming late August will be the results of a minor study using my friends and I. Oh the outtakes will be hilarious, and don't worry, the famed GhettoCam will be there to document as many moments as possible.

It will involve, single ladies, single men, and Toronto in the Summer as a back drop. Will it prove to be fruitful or fruitless?
We just want to know the answer to one key question...

In the biggest city in Canada... WHERE ARE THE MEN?

Back in university I had a brief (one issue) stint as a sex advice columnist. I filled in for the popular "Sex with Suru" and answered a question involving infecting a dog with Herpes. Hey! It was university, give me a break!

Since then I find sex columnists a little too raw and lacking that sensitive edge, unlike my column that was filled with empathy and tenderness for that person and their K9. Where are the Carrie Bradshaw's in this world, writing about real events in sex and relationships and intepreting them for all?

No need to yearn any longer! The good people at Nerve.com have produced a smart, cliché shattering web publication with video blogs and interesting columns. This also includes SEX ADVICE FROM 90'S ICONS!

Dan Renzi (who used to be on MTV's Real World in the 90's) confesses that he's "never slept with anyone to get a job" Dan, no need to say, it's really obvious!

However, the most disturbing, is reading the post by Screech of Saved by the Bell. It wasn't disturbing at all to hear he preferred to hook it up with extras on the set of Saved by the Bell because there was a new batch each week. If you're a sucked for the Screech and you want to help him save his house from foreclosure, click into his website

Now I have nothing to say, bitches.
GET BACK TO WORK!

Thursday, July 27, 2006


What is going on?
Local crazy guy moves to Yorkville, gets a newspaper article, gets an audience, gets a website and myspace. What's next? TV!? OH GOD! ZANTA 24/7! IT CAN'T BE!

Well, I must admit, as a Torontonian, Zanta's antics I find pretty amusing. As a tourist I might be hard pressed to find him more hilarious then flipping mad! But, since I learned of Zanta I'm more than happy to perch myself a fair distance away from Zanta's topless, oddly fit and Santa hat wearing self and watch people skuttle by, avoid eye contact, cross the sidewalk, or if nothing works, those people who got stuck in Zanta's gaze!

From there they will probably see Zanta fall into a set of push ups, flexing his arms and shouting things like "SUPERFLEX!" and "YES! YES!"

I always thought he was a crazy guy. But, this 58 year old proud parent shows that it is still possible to be crazy AND have a website... and myspace. But, why? Does he now wanted to merchandise his signature moves? - OH WHAT!? DID I TYPE PARENT! Oh sweet jesus someone had sex with ZANTA! ohhhhhh wow... wowww...

...

Wow... Anyway, like I was saying, who would produce this website? Well you can go to Zanta's home on the web and check it out.

Torontozanta.ca
Zanta's Myspace


In a world of bizarre political statements comes the folks at madeyouthink with one that involves decorating piles of poo.

Decorating piles of poo with a flag displaying the mug of Gee Double-ya Bush! Can you believe it? How disgusting/funny is that? GWB probably won't get the message, but, it's a nice thought.

So if this is political activism right up your alley, then log into the website, get your poo flags, run around, use them all up around your neighborhood and show your political colours!

And now, back to donation processing!

m

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

*phew*
What a weekend!
Friday night out with friends.
Saturday morning Style By Jury
Niece's 3rd bday party
date
bbq at another friend's house
studying for "SML" next day.

Wake up
Get car
Get to the club
Get make up done.
Getting make up done
Waiting to get make up over with.
Eventually make up is finished.
Interview first band
I'm a geek.
ahahaha
I'M A TOTAL GEEK!
Interview second band... Still a geek
I'm a bonified, hottified, gorgeousafied, geek.

I am the cross over nerd!
I am the chosen one, to bridge the two opposing worlds of geekdom and not-geekdom.
Now get ready!
I will teach you the secrets of the "cool"
FOLLOW ME!
-- EW! JUST NOT THAT CLOSE!

Now back to the weekend.

Finish the show
I'm still a geek.
Get home
Go to sleep
Wake up, go to Peterborough
Visit friend at her cottage
Have fun.
Come home.

And, here we are! Enjoy the photos!

Here are some from Sunday night's Small Room Live taping. Make up looks great, thanks to Melissa Dabreu who you can contact by clicking on her name there. Meticulous make up artist! Meticulous!!

Picture 315 Picture 319 Picture 324

Photos from Fiona's cottage!

Picture 325 Picture 332 Picture 335 Picture 338 Picture 345 Picture 349 Picture 360 Picture 361 Picture 369 Picture 374 Picture 377 Picture 384 Picture 383 Picture 373


Click on any of the photos to check out the slideshow of all the images. Good and bad!

Friday, July 21, 2006

Let's get it out in the open, I do not memorize phone numbers.
I have trouble remembering numbers and that includes numbers in the correct order.

So imagine my shock when I went to dial my number (which I remember as the pattern on the phone pad) and I heard my Ex's voice.

I HAD DIALED HIS NUMBER BY ACCIDENT!

What a random accident, I rarely dialed his number! That's what address books are for... so I was paralyzed for a second.

Was it a sign? That I just dialed his number completely out of the blue when I was intending to dial my own number?

Thank goodness it was just his voicemail, it would have been mortifying had he actually answered.

What is Britney thinking? She recently posted a cryptic ode in a futile attempt to appear profoundly affected by the majesty of Tigers.

She begins the whole adventure by quoting William Blake. Please, like she reads!

Following the quote comes the inspiring and literal prose by Miss Spears herself:

"In some ways, people are a lot like animals," she writes. "We all hunger for the same things. Love, lust, danger, warmth and adventure. Like people, animals all have their own rhythm to life.

"I'm mesmerized by tigers," she continues. "Their eyes, their stripes, their constant quest for survival. They almost have a sense of mysteriousness about them. They pull you in and make it difficult to look away. They make you wonder what is behind their gaze.

"A sense of eerie awe comes over you in their presence. The fear they give you when you pass them is stunning. Behold the beauty of the tiger."


Oh Britney, even when you try to seem poised you had to put effort in it. Sweetie, it's okay to write it like you hear it in your head:

"Tigers, Tigers Everywhere! Leopard, Zebra and sometimes Bear! It's the print on my underwear!" YAAAAAY! Cheers! You get a gold star by your name!

I would love to think that Britney was inspired by William Blake's poetry, but, I think the truth of it is her Manny took the The Brit and her Brat to the zoo and she just thought they were pretty.

And, they matched her underwear.

Oh you better believe it. Karmacake is the blog that has the power to connect the living with the dead.

Click Here to read the comment.
If you are signed on to myspace check out the comment he left on my pictures.

Oh Trudeau.
The icon.
The man.
The coolest prime minister that there ever was.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Chillin' in my condo the girls come over. We do girlie things... we eat rice chips, drink fruit flavoured beer and watch girly movies.

And, in between the manicures and sips of raspberry beer we still have time to talk about life and really give each other support that single girls crave.

It's that moment when the girls seperate because of life or the men that enter their lives that we truly take for granted the companionship we get from our best friends. But, it's expected. We all do it when we get a guy, go off and and spend little to no single time with the girls.

And, we accept it.

It's normal.

Then when we break up and have more spare time, the girls come back in like a filler. Then you remember how truly fabulous the girls are.

Well at least I did.

So will I ever ditch my girls for a guy again?

maybe but he would have to be one hell of a guy and chances are oh so slim that he will ever hold a candle to the bright flame that are my girls.

What's better than the novelty of your youth embedded in my blog?
For your enjoyment, He-Man & She-Ra!

He-Man intro


She-Ra Princess of Power

Last night it happened, the emaciated child my girls nick named "Skinny Bitch" took home Canada's Next Top Model.

Andrea, the odd girl who dined on candy as a main course, was a role model geek and couldn't dress herself nor walk down a runway to save her life, won.

Shocking.

She took a decent photo, but, not the best. She loooked horrid on stage, and was truly was outdone by Alana, the child with the athletic body and winsome girl next door looks.

The biggest complaint, Andrea is so skinny, she is two dimension. Her frame, like her constitution is frail! Crying at the drop of a hat, Andrea's tearful antics was te subject of many a fun drinking game; you take a shot every time she stars welling up.
But, only one! Take two and you'll be smashed 10 minutes into the show.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006


To Mr Rob.

He is a tall cool drink of water, ladies. With a talent for ultra chillin' and maximum illin' he has the prose to cure your woes.
A grad with philisophy and french in his pocket, he knows how answer multiple choice questions in both official languages.

Today he turns 24.
And, he's a bad mutha!
werd.








Did another shoot the other night for photos for the Small Room Live website. I was just going to sit down with a friend and a digicam, but, photo-star on the rise, Mark Bradfield came to the rescue.
I guess, I'm one of those girls meant to be cute. Now i understand why everyone says I'm cute... *sigh*

I like photos that look like me. I would love to be a gorgeous model, but, I think there's something way more attractive about me just being me. Like the girl I see in this photo, she's wearing a hoodie, she's smiling, she's outside, she's real.

Don't you think?

Maybe I'm not real enough. I worry that maybe I'm really missing out on the bigger picture of life. Can it be possible? I used to think it was important to live my life for other people. Sit talk with the homeless, hear their stories, and occasionally bake them cookies. Maybe I should bake myself a batch of cookies?

So what do I like? Like Amélie I like the feeling of plunging my hand into a barrel of dried beans, but, I also like the feeling of wet grass under my toes, and the sunshine on my face.

I like jumping into cold water and hyperventilating from the chill just a little bit before I catch my breath. I think it's fun! I like to see the face of someone who cares for me look so worried so I also like to lay it on thick!

But, I'm a prideful girl. And, I know that what I want and what I like isn't necissarily what I need. I just like the idea of it.

So I look at my phone, and I see the time. I have to finish somethings up, so I can chill with my girl. She keeps me grounded and helps to remind me of all the important things in life.

Me, My Friends, My Faith, The Goodness of Kindness of Heart, and the Optimism that something good is just waiting around the corner.

I still can't throw a frisbee, btw.

You can see the rest of Mark's portfolio here

Flavor of Love is the only show on television where the women competing articulate acceptance through bounces.

Of course, here's a run down of the other actions the ladies engage in.

Finger Snaps = "I'm the shit" or a fiesty way of showing attitude with displeasure.
Bust up&out = It's go time
Jumping up & bouncing boodies = celebratory happiness, gloating and pride.
Finger Point Down = Enforcing a point "I ain't here to make no friends". Counting off the bitches like "You, you and, hell of course, you, bitch! You're all goin' home because I am here to stay! YEAH!"
Crossed arms = pouty displeasure meant only for Flav.

There are more, but, the bounces really got me.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Torontonians, please save the date October 13th (Friday THE 13th) for one of the biggest, most exclusive parties of the year.

Tickets will be available soon.

Promise.

That reminds me, where's my Karmacake fan from Fasken Martineau Dumoulin? Email me please, I need to ask you a question!!


I love walking down the street and discovering my favorite chalk artist has been at it again.
Two weeks ago maybe three, I was at Yonge & Bloor when I hit this gorgeous piece of art chalked on the sidewalk. It's always summer when the chalk dude has prettied up my hood.

I do love Batman, Superman and Wonderwoman! And I love this temporary piece of art!

9am in the morning and I have a run in my pantyhose.

"NICOLAAAAAA! I have to run to the hosiery shop, want to come with?"
"Sure"

We get there and the door is locked.

"Now if I owned a panty hose shop in Bloor/Yorkville, I would have it open at 8:30am to take care of all those women dashing to work who need pantyhose BECAUSE THEIR BROKEN NAIL RIPPED IN A RUN!"
"Stop shaking the doors, it won't help the shop open any earlier!"
"BUT, I NEED NYLONS!"
"Let's go get a coffee and we'll head to Winners"
"Okay."

...

"Winners is shut."
"It's almost 9:30 let's go back to that other place"
"Sure, I'll exclaim an emergency and they'll open the doors early."

With some bitchiness, the doors did open, Karma did get her stockings and she merrily skipped and sang her way to work.

The end.

The moral of the story? Hosiery shops would do more business if they were open earlier to catch the emergency crowd.

I'm just saying!!

Monday, July 17, 2006

The Question:

where can i get a pair of stiletto timberland boots??
ive been looking but i cant find em...


The Answer:
Unless you're dressing up like Beyonce as a costume. Or your looking to give them to someone as a gag gift.

Let the heeled tims, lie.

If you want to buy them, I've still seen versions of them in payless shoes, exotic dancer shoe stores and some place in china town. Ebay as well.

If there's one thing I try to accomplish as a part time stylist... I want to help ill the world of horrible fashion faux pas!


The Offended Response:
From: naomi p

Subject: the boots

Message: ur a fool those boots are hot... and plus i didnt ask what you thought i just asked where i could get some!!!!!


The Indifferent Reply:

To each their own. I suppose each stylist has their own style and take on each season's fashions. Just haven't seen them around since the time of Beyonce and Jay-z's "Bonnie and Clyde"

I did post where you could find them. I wish you lots of luck, and lots of happiness with your future pair of tacky boots.

I take it you're not purchasing them for a costume then?



Your Opinion?

I love Mark Ronson.
I was at Supermarket ages ago with Tara and Nicola when the dj began spinning the most awesome version of Radiohead's "Just" I have ever heard! This is taking into account my entire life of worshipping the cheeky Oxfordshire lads.

Mark Ronson brilliantly transcribes the original Radiohead song "Just" to one outlined with horns and funky beats. So incredibly delicious. DELICIOUS! DO YOU HEAR ME!?

Mark's myspace can be found here. Notice, Lily Allen is also one of his myspace friends. She's responsible for some amazingly lovely tracks including the malicious post break up song "Smile". Check her out on her myspace.

MARK RONSON'S COVER OF RADIOHEAD'S JUST




THE ORIGINAL: RADIOHEAD'S JUST

-"Why do girls like that," sez I pointing at a slight blond thing walking ahead on Bloor,"get the gents talking to her and not us?"

-"I've thought about this alot and I've figured it out."

-"Oh yeah? Is it because I'm fat? I repell the men, don't I?"

-"Don't be silly! You're so not fat! No, the reason guys don't talk to us is that they look at us and think 'That girl would never go out with a guy like me!'"

-"But, that's so untrue! I would totally go out with a guy like him!" Motioning to a tall, somewhat scruffy hottie waking towards us.

-"Yeah, totally. But, he won't talk to you."

-"Why!?"

-"Because you look like some guy's girlfriend."

-"But, I'm not!"

-"But, we look like we are. Simple"

-"I don't even know what that means. Do I need to dress sluttier?"

-"No, I don't think it's anything that we can fix. Guys just seem to think we're already taken so they don't even bother."

-"Great. Who really wants to chase guys? Now, honestly?"

-"I don't."

-"Neither do I! Well, fuck this. Let's go get some yam frites"

-"Where the fuck did they move Fresh?"

Saturday, July 15, 2006

Toronto is super hot today!
WHERE ARE MY SHORTS!?!

Well, I'm getting tons of emails asking about the Small Room Live taping. I think we'll have a full crowd that night.
BTW, July 23, 2006 @ The Tranzac Club (292 Brunswick Ave) Doors Open at 6:30pm
Just so you all know and can be apart of our audience.

You might end up on tv!

Well, I'm going to head out chill with Nicola and my cousins are in town so I'm going to go and see them.

The novelty of it all!!

ciao

Friday, July 14, 2006

Went I went to my sister's weddings I would have people I didn't even know come up to me and say "Oh, Karma, You're next! HA HA! You're next!!"

Yeah, pretty hilarious, Dillweed.

So I chose to retaliate! What do I do now? Well, now when I go to funerals I approach the same folks, wag my finger and say in a jovial manner "You're next! Ha ha! You're next!"

No one threatens me with marriage anymore :)

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Seriously, could this get any better?
From the same video tape that has such poignant lines such as:
"If you don't wear clothes then you'll get arrested"
and a song featuring the Mothers of the USA singing back up for
"Treat Your Mother Right"



ENJOY!


Why does Tara always look so posh?
Michell so continental?
Helena so reserved?
Fiona so happy?
Mark just pleased to be there?
And Jacqueline & Me over compensating for everyone else's lack of enthusiasm?

Well this was the photo taken at the end of the night at Jack Astor's here in Toronto.

Isreal bombs Beirut, Lebanon.
Why?
Hezbollah guerrillas crossed the border and kidnapped 2 Isreali soldiers.

Was the government in on it?
Well, technically, Hezbollah officials in the group's civillian arm hold seats in the Lebanese Parliament. However, Hezbollah does have guerrilla groups that are apart of an irregular paramilitary unit that operates in small bands to harass and undermine the enemy... including surprise raids.

What is Hezbollah?

Hezbollah is the main pollitical party representing Lebanon's most religious sect, the Shia community. Their aim is to make Lebanon an Islamic state. Now, we all know that Lebanon is NOT an Islamic state, and in order to be able to be an Islamic state it would require the people of Lebanon to support this infrastructure. They can barely drum up 10% of the population to support this cause.

So it's unlikely the kidnapping was apart of a major Lebanese plot to stick it to their Isreali neighbours.

So why the bombings?
Because they can.

So what's the US Saying?
Isreal has a right to defend their people. The condemn the kidnapping. They hold Syria and Iran responsible as well for their historic support of Hezbollah.

Bush also seems to be holding the Lebanese Government responsible as well.

The kidnapping is awful. In my opinion it does not warrant the attacks that are obviously aimed at civilians. This includes the bombings of airports and hospitals, granted in Hezbollah ran territories, but, does that mean the 20 odd people killed were all involved in the plot.
Hezbollah officials did make an announcement prior to the bombings that they were willing to enter in prisoner exchange talks with Isreal.
This was denied.
It is reported that talks are underway with Egypt as a mediator.

Yes, Isreal has a right to maintain security for their people. Especially for soldiers kidnapped.

Terrorising the innocent is not the best way to do it. Regardless if the organization responsible had an agenda at one point to derail the Palestinian/Isreali peace process.

Isreal, stop taking a page out of the US' book! Bombing people DOES NOT solve your problems in the long term! So it's assumed that the airport was a major hub for importing weapons, well inspect with the UN, get some info and then take the next logical, peaceful and appropriate action to demand a resolution.

Bombing the shit out of places really doesn't solve anything.

Imagine if Canada bombed assumed FLQ headquarters back in the day... my GOD! How many soldiers from around the world have been kidnapped by terrorist organizations!! That does NOT warrant death and destruction.

President Bush might condone your actions Isreal (and Isreal's government does include Palestinians, so this is not a Palestinian/Isreali conflict arguement here), but, President Bush isn't a smart man.
Karmacake is STRONGLY against your actions. WE DO NOT CONDONE YOUR ACTIVITIES FOR THE WANT DESTRUCTION OF THE SECURITY OF INNOCENT CIVILIANS.

Breaking up is hard to do. So why do it yourself when you can get Brenda Walsh to do it for you?

Qualifying participants appearing on the Oxygen Network's "Breaking Up With Shannon Doherty" will find themselves in a fictitious circumstance conceived by Doherty and her team of behind the scenes vindictive bitches.

When everything begins to stall, get ugly, get weird or just doesn't get anywhere, the aging former 90210 star will step in and do all the dirty work. If her lopsided eyes don't freak the folks out enough for them to bolt, the fact that this bitch can take a punch almost as good as she can deliver it should be enough to have the breakee cower in acceptance of the pending relationship demise.

BTW, this is completely serious.

What's next on the docket? Celebrity Publicity Stunt Relationship Match Up with Danny Bonaduce? That would be brilliant!! COME ON! Danny Bonaduce and a league of celebrity gossip mavins come together to orchestrate elaborate celebrity pair ups for public intrigue and career revitilization!!
From beginning to end, you see Danny pouring over headshots, connecting and meeting with publicists in a series of "secret" meetings, to the elaborate construction on how the two met and "fell in love", and my personal favorite, the behind the scenes footage of the couple practicing kissing like their are in love.

"NO NO NO TOM! KISS KATIE LIKE YOU'RE KISSING YOUR GAY PARTNER! NOT SUCKING HIS COCK!"

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

The GST was cut by 1%.

The cost to public services to Canadians? BILLIONS!

How's the government going to make this up?

By raising income tax of course!!

Listen, the conservatives might be a bunch of American patsies. But, they are no idiots.

They know what they're doing.
They know they're only going to be around for a short period.
They might as well lay Canadians downs and give it to us gently before they bend us over and give it to us prison style.

Don't drop the soap!
You might be Harper's next bitch.

Do you ever wonder where the sirens of the fire engines, police cars and ambulances are going?

I wish that one night there were no sirens.
Just one night.

But, I guess that's too much to ask. Each night there has to be an emergency. A fire, some trouble, or someone gets hurts.

That's life in Toronto, kids.

This is a city where people get hurt.

Right now I'm taking a small break from cleaning out my bedroom because I had to.
Stick with me and it will all make sense...


My horoscope today reads like this:


"Just when you think you've got it all figured out, here comes an unexpected factor, feeling or person. Don't let it throw you -- instead, throw open your heart and mind and get ready for something new"


I dismissed it until I started cleaning and beneath all the garbage I found one of my ex's shirts.

I thought I had it all figured out, my expectations and my desires. Then by some fluke, I discover this one ridiculous piece of clothing that somehow had the ability to paralize me. My thoughts, my feelings, my ambition to clean, everything. I could only focus on this archaic element of a past relationship that I thought was so solid. It obviously wasn't. So Fuck Him? Right?

RIGHT?!?

Then Mariah Carey's "Shake it off" starts to play.

I kid you not.
I trip over some old feelings and I have the soundtrack to back it up. My life as a movie soundtrack. A few months ago it was "Sunday Morning" by No Doubt, and now it's "Shake it Off"? I say, as I look up to the heavens, "Could I AT LEAST have Mary J. Blige?!"

Even Serendipity acknowledges I'm white.

Like Dr. Evil stole Austin Powers' "mojo", I feel like that guy I used to adorn with the privileged title of "my boyfriend" haunts me no matter how I fight it or how much time passes. And, somehow, even though there are lots of guys wanting to take his place waiting in the wings ("No Baby, you're the only one for me!") there hasn't been anyone who has the qualities I want.

The horoscope promised that an unexpected feeling would come my way today. So I'm opening my heart in the most public of ways and let's see what happens!!

So what was it that I liked about this dude? This guy that broke my heart, who haunts me, who wasn't super hot, super smart, didn't even really care about culture, was such a child, had no ambition, and smoked various items even though he said he wouldn't?

He was confident.
Shared my passion for food.
And, for a while, he treated me like I was the center of the universe.

Up until the very end.
The day he broke my heart.
MY HEART!
MINE!
MISS KARMA "HOTTIE MCHOTTERSON" CAKE!
Again.
But, for the last time.

Because this bitch, wasn't going to be his forever.
Dream or Nightmare, we wake up at some point and move on with our lives.

FINALLY!
The wheels are in motion for my bedroom to transform from hideous mix mash to brilliant Tuscan inspired chambre!

The bed is on delivery, next fabric and wallpaper hunting, painting and tidying up!

The laptop is on order as well!!

Being single is a reward that extends well beyond the financial.
However, it's the financial rewards that help me achieve the personal ones.

Miami for September 12 anyone?

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

The ugly.
The inept.
The socially incompetent.

Who is not on Lavalife?

Karmacake.

Why?
If you have to ask, then you don't deserve to know.

What's she going to do instead?
Be social and meet people the good ol' fashioned way.

Internet dating is skanky.

So you want to know about my weekend do you?
Well, you're going to have to wait for it, but here's a few shots to tie you over:

1. Toronto has hot police. Two at least. One in the 52nd division and the other in the 51st division.

2. People will even overtake you on city roads when you are in the process of turning left.

3. People will proceed to tell you it's your fault they were overtaking you on a city street while you were turning left.

4. These people conveniently forget that seconds prior to police arriving they spoke perfect and fluent English.

5. Men you don't know, will call you babe and make you feel gross for being female.

6. BBQ's are fun.

7. BBQ's on a friend's balcony with a disposable grill is even more fun.

8. Cigarettes are bad for you! But, they seem so much more fun when you say "Cigarette" with a petit French accent. "See-gah-rette"?

9. Cooking with friends is fun after a day of paint fumes... spray paint and otherwise.

10. My new bedroom on Sherbourne has no bed in it.

She was losing her mind in 1989 and she still is trippin'
Oh Liza, I love you. I love your collaboration with the Pet Shop Boys!


Liza is just Fabulousness.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Flow 93.5
No music, just an ad.
WAKESTOOOOCK!SEXY BIKINI CONTEST! RAAAAAH!
DRINK BUD LIIIIIIGHT!
Is that? Can it be? That voice!? Its... Its...

TRAVIS!

AAAAAAAAAH!

*ring* *ring*

-Hello?
-I heard your ad! It's great!!
-REALLY!?
-YEP, no word of a lie! It sounds like you!!
-You know I auditioned for the Pepsi commercials that are on tv now.
-The ones where they break in Kardinal Offishall's house?
-That's the one.
-You should've had it.
-It's okay... because I GOT A PART ON A TV PILOT!!
-GET OUT! AAAAH! THIS IS AWESOME!!! CONGRATS!
-Thanks!! I'm happy. Fingers crossed it'll get picked up!
-It will. It'll be awesome. You just wait and see!

Now that he's on his rise to stardom, I think it's cool to visit this photo. Enjoy, whiteness!

Friday, July 07, 2006


How adorable is this logo?
Showcasing independant music with verve, flair and a little bit of chutzpah since before the dawn of time.
Small Room Live is happening July 23, 2006 at The Tranzac Club.
For a small donation on your honour
(amount suggested dependant on your level of charity)
you will have unprecedented access to a night of unparrallelled night of entertainment.
BANDS:
Pomegranate
Clothes Make the Man
3rd Band Still to be confirmed.

HOSTS:
Yours Truly
Bobby "Dreadful" (aka - Hottie McHotterson.)
Ernie (aka - uhhh... Ernie, I have nothing to say to that.)

So if you can handle a night of music, and a little unexpected zaniness, we promise you a little something you can talk about around the water cooler the next day.

PS- Yes, there ~is~ a bar there. Tranzac, home of the "bacon beer". A beer so bitter, so bizarre & smokey it finishes with a pungent film of bacon in your mouth. THAT ALONE should make you want to come.
tee hee.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

So I realize the streaming player I pilfered from Perez Hilton's website plays all the hottest and newest songs from Justin Timberlake, Jessica Simpson and Fergie.

You might want to bookmark this page, and come back. If you want the scoop, you'll have to check out Mr. Perez Hilton himself! Perez Hilton



It's true.

http://www.myspace.com/pierre_trudeau

Turns out filming for Small Room will be taking place that weekend.
Don't cry for me, Kids. Karma will still stand.
Not at WEMF
But, she will stand all the same.

It'll be me, my xbox 360 and some chips and dip.

Paige, you around that weekend?

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Remember that insane boat cruise I endured for 4 long hours a couple of weeks ago?
Click here if you don't.

Walk with me through the day a part of my soul died on Mariposa's Captain Matthew Flinders.

Here is our scummy host. The Hostedtude with the Mullettude. I assume his name is Joel. He was the worst for objectifying the lady folk with his grosso rhetoric. HE WAS SO GROSS!
I think in all truth, he and David Leisure (Charlie on the 80's sitcom "Empty Next") were seperated at birth...

Moving on... Fashion faux pas.
These people still believe that fanny packs are a fashionable alternative to purses and/or pockets.
You know who can wear fanny packs? MALE PORN STARS! Why? Because they don't have pockets to hold their lube and condoms... BECAUSE THEY ARE NAKED!
Hey Pocohontas? Nice feathers! Did you pluck the bird or was your hair jealous of the skirt that Buffalo Bill made you?

Now this guy, we nicknamed Vinny. He was a jolly man, I have nothing bad to say, his style is so quaint, it made him loveable! EH OH! OH EH!

I know what you're thinking, I thought it too! Zack Morris is alive and well and seen here partying it up with a random Mexican dude. Zack is still seen fitting in his wardrobe from the early 90's and enjoys drinking Sleeman's beer. Interesting? Maybe I will now call it SLEAZY-MAN in honour of the cruise.

This photo was so horrific, I had to post it. There's no reason for this, go to the gym, get plastic surgery, get a one piece, a girdle, suck it up, anything, but, when gravity looks like its slowly sucking jello down a straw, then you have GOT to do something!!


Enjoy, Skanky Bitches. One is smart, she wears glasses AND underwear!


I still have yet to figure out what exactly warranted this dude to wear earphones like he was mixing something. He may have pretended he was Pete Tong, but, unlike the rest of the cruise, I KNOW he wasn't responsible for the Grease Mega Mix we all enjoyed after the BEATLES set.

If you look at this woman's top closely you can see a sailboat.



Now finally. Can you find the Karma in this photo?

fa·tal·ism (ftl-zm)
n.


1. The doctrine that all events are predetermined by fate and are therefore unalterable.
2. Acceptance of the belief that all events are predetermined and inevitable.


Yes, yes, yes! I agree, there are things in this world that happen for no apparent reason and we can't always explain them. Conveniently enough, we've composed a myriad of obnoxious little sayings to embody this fatalistic spirit we all habour. Your dear sweet Karmacake is also a victim of the redundant recycling of clichés encapsulating the intangible. I mean, there has got to be an explanation for everything! How can there be something in our lives that isn't controlled and planned? How can it be random?

But, what if life really isn't random. I mean, is it possible to live your life completely resigned to fate? Can a gal just let go and allow "what's meant to be" to just be? If so, then three of my friends, each muddling through their own little personal hells right now, should be fine right? From losing their jobs, lovers, or their willpower to a specific substance, it really wasn't anyone's fault, they were propelled by fate! Right?

RIGHT!?

Some devout Christians (like Billy Graham, who really creeps me out btw) believe that there is no fate, only faith and that it is the messages from God we interpret in our minds as the incentive for our actions, not free will. ("Officer, I'm a Christian. It was God who told me to do that line of coke off of the barrel of your gun.")

Diviners such as astrologers believe in the potential for greatness or disaster when actions are taken around specific celestial alignments in any given month, day or hour.

The average person senses that if something disasterous happens in their lives they get up, brush themselves off, and hope that they can make the best of whatever craziness comes there way. No messages from above, no planets in retrograde, nothing more than good old fashioned human determination and strength.

So if you want to believe that it was fate, faith, or whatever that gave you the courage to pick yourself up, then go ahead and believe in it. It's not hurting anyone.

Now karma... that's a different story all together!
;)

This past weekend, I made a trip to two of Toronto's "hottest" clubs.
First was Level & Suite and the other was Republik.

Here is the break down in as few words as I can muster:

Level & Suite was... clean... it had, uh, friendly staff. The crowd is what I call, "Flat". No one repellent, no one interesting, no one out going or compelling except for two strippers that even though they tried to ho it up, the men there were so frigtened they didn't know what to do!

The music was singles from mixed cd's played in their entirety with wholly undanceable tracks mixed in.

Not Worth The Cover.

Republik was less repellent of the two venues. There, I was reunited with some old friends which made up for the ticket taker girl being a total cow. She often was fanning herself like Liza Minelli suffering through a hot flash and bitchiness spewed out of her mouth like water from a faucet.
Thankfully you only had to deal with her for a moment of seconds.

There wasn't a lot of people there, but the music was great, the atmosphere was oh so cool and everyone was having a great time.

Level = suck
Republik = not so suck.

:)

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

I was saddened and dismayed at the ongoing strife between Isreal & Palestine. With Isreal currently indulging in their raids of the Gaza strip with no end in mind, my heart sank.

Further to this, I feel that there is no motion from the international community in assisting the peaceful resolution. Beyond the Swiss government accusing Isreal of breaking humanitarian law by inflicting "collective punishment" on Palestinians, that is. Who else is advocating for Palestinians right to return to Palestine? Wasn't this right extended to Jewish settlers back in the day?

Here are some facts:

1948 the modern state of Isreal was formed. Needless to say, the placement of the state of Isreal was formed on a land that had two seperate histories, one for Jews and one for Palestinians.

As a result of the state of Isreal being formed we found nearly 700,000 Palestinians were turned into refugees. Also, since the creation of Isreal the state has devoted much of their resources into defence, preparing for the inevitable attacks from a displaced people.

Yes, there is reason to be optimistic. For the 6 decades that Isreal has existed, it has only been recently when talks of peace and resolution have taken a greater precidence over the extermination of the Palestinian people. So we can be greatful for that, correct?

Now further to this, I wish to look at numbers. As it is the number of deaths that we can paint another picture. These numbers are a little out of date, but, since this time, there has not been a significant shift in figures. I just couldn't locate the other source to cite immediately, I'll change the blog as I come across more information.

Israel is responsible for some 733 Palestinian noncombatant deaths, while Palestinians have killed 546 Israeli noncombatants.

If we look at the ages of those killed, there is a relatively even distribution over the ages for the Isreali noncombatant deaths. Whereas, if we look at Palestinian noncombatant deaths, they are concentrated mostly between the ages of 10-13 year old boys.

60% of noncombattant Palestinians killed are men between the ages of 12-29 with only 20% of Isreali deaths falling in this age range.

Why the lopsided numbers? There could be a lot of reasons, numbers are only only just that and they paint another side to the story. If you want more check this site out

Now I'm not looking to demonize anyone! I realize that too is part of the fear in approaching this conflict! It is one that has heel and toe dipped in religion, and in face of a population that was victim to strife in the earlier part of the century by Europe, many are hesitant to speak out for fear of being perceived as Anti-Semetic. There are also many articles found online that attest to this, including some that proclaim that Anti-Semetism exists still in European politics in face of the Arab-Isreal conflict! I truly cannot see how, the international community isn't exactly doing anything for either side, they simply are looking the other way! So how is that helping either side?

Regardless, at the end of the day, we need to understand that we have a desperate people and a fearful people. The desperate feel that they have nothing more to lose, and the fearful are scared about what the desperate may do.

For all my American visitors!

Enjoy your bbq's and sparklers on patriotic cakes.

This blog is more than just a snazzy title.

Tonight around 10:30pm I received a really disturbing call to my home phone line. So after I endured a short barrage of profain language and specifically horrific threats, I hung up the phone. That's when it hit me, I am alone and I have to take care of myself now.

Of course I was scared, but, for the first time in my life this princess didn't have any specific prince waiting in the wings to save her. And, even if I did, I didn't want to turn to anyone but myself.

It was one of those strange epiphanies you get only once and a while and it usually only solidifies something you already knew. In this case, it was something I already knew, but, I didn't really understand until that moment. So when my girlfriend called me up to ask if I was okay and if I needed her I was able to respond with confidence, "No, I'll be okay. I'll call you if I need anything, I promise."

So I made all the appropriate motions to deal with the calls (yes, there was more than one), and btw, FYI it's *57 to trace phone calls on your phone. And, then I sat back, and for the first time in a long time, I felt proud of myself for taking care of something that would've really destroyed me before.

Funny how people change.

Oh, I bet you're looking for the loathing part... well, I'm tuckered and I'm going to go to sleep so I'll finish this post in the A.M.