Right now I'm taking a small break from cleaning out my bedroom because I had to.
Stick with me and it will all make sense...


My horoscope today reads like this:


"Just when you think you've got it all figured out, here comes an unexpected factor, feeling or person. Don't let it throw you -- instead, throw open your heart and mind and get ready for something new"


I dismissed it until I started cleaning and beneath all the garbage I found one of my ex's shirts.

I thought I had it all figured out, my expectations and my desires. Then by some fluke, I discover this one ridiculous piece of clothing that somehow had the ability to paralize me. My thoughts, my feelings, my ambition to clean, everything. I could only focus on this archaic element of a past relationship that I thought was so solid. It obviously wasn't. So Fuck Him? Right?

RIGHT?!?

Then Mariah Carey's "Shake it off" starts to play.

I kid you not.
I trip over some old feelings and I have the soundtrack to back it up. My life as a movie soundtrack. A few months ago it was "Sunday Morning" by No Doubt, and now it's "Shake it Off"? I say, as I look up to the heavens, "Could I AT LEAST have Mary J. Blige?!"

Even Serendipity acknowledges I'm white.

Like Dr. Evil stole Austin Powers' "mojo", I feel like that guy I used to adorn with the privileged title of "my boyfriend" haunts me no matter how I fight it or how much time passes. And, somehow, even though there are lots of guys wanting to take his place waiting in the wings ("No Baby, you're the only one for me!") there hasn't been anyone who has the qualities I want.

The horoscope promised that an unexpected feeling would come my way today. So I'm opening my heart in the most public of ways and let's see what happens!!

So what was it that I liked about this dude? This guy that broke my heart, who haunts me, who wasn't super hot, super smart, didn't even really care about culture, was such a child, had no ambition, and smoked various items even though he said he wouldn't?

He was confident.
Shared my passion for food.
And, for a while, he treated me like I was the center of the universe.

Up until the very end.
The day he broke my heart.
MY HEART!
MINE!
MISS KARMA "HOTTIE MCHOTTERSON" CAKE!
Again.
But, for the last time.

Because this bitch, wasn't going to be his forever.
Dream or Nightmare, we wake up at some point and move on with our lives.