The nicest night of the year. The first real night of spring. I in my expertly applied smoky eyes and FCUK shirt/dress went out to dance like my knee wasn't popped only four days prior. Ask me where I ended up?

I landed on College St. but I ended up on fucking Church. Again!

And, I wonder why I don't meet any guys? Oh sorry, let me clear up the confusion:

straight

They still exist right? I mean are there still guys out there who like girls? Because, they are slipping further and further into the afterglow of my youth. Back next to my copy of Nora Jones- No, I'm joking! I don't listen to that shit. But, you know what I'm sayin, right?

Tonight though was a special night in the Gaybourhood. Tonight of all nights, I was introduced to Sasks. (ie- a lesbian pick up joint ripe with cat lovers.) Lookin as fine as I did, ready to cruise the hotties on College I'm left to crank the saucy dial up from sexy bitch pass ghetto sass straight on over to So Hot She Be On Fire and rocking it in a hiphop video.

Dem bitches be crayzee!

Yes, tonight I was introduced to the incestuous bullpen of Old Navy tank tops, crew cuts and cocktails served in ribbed half pint disposable beer cups. I ask, how did the feminim aesthetic leave these womyn? Did it get lost in the sea of Velmas? I will tell you what didn't get lost- this ethnic Daphne! I killed it on the dance floor!

Then I paid the price- been openly groped on more than one occasion. Bitch (that's me) had to hold it down and front when need be. Trust me, it wasn't easy what with the injury and all, but it was THE ONLY way that I could protect myself in the back AND in the front!

So when the novelty of womyn backing down to my supremacy wore off. When the awkward attempts to mimic my moves failed to entertain me longer. It was time to make my exit to the tune of “I really enjoyed watching you dance. You girls were holdin it down on the dance floor and you looked great. You really elevated the club.”

Uh- yeah! Hello, this is what a facial, an attention to style and a $300 dollar pair of jeans will get you. You can't invest and not work it!

Even if it's for a crowd that feared it... but, they all wanted it.

Style can be taught, sass can't.