Yeah, I realized three things today.

1. I don't know how to steal cable.

2. I don't know much about hockey

3. If you ask for fries at the Red Room they give you 8 homefries wedge things that taste like left over hash browns. I'm serious. It's very disappointing.

I figure that number two on the list I can do something about. I have this philosophy that you should be introduced to something new by someone who really enjoys it. And, while I think I might have found someone willing to take on that task, I thought the least I could do was to learn some basics on the sport.

So I hit the interweb and found bumpkiss.

Literally.

Reading about hockey online is about as much fun as playing trivia alone.

Canada has over 500,000 registered hockey players, and you're telling me, not one of them can publish an entertaining overview on how to play hockey?

I just want to be entertained, and considering it's one of the most popular sports in my country, I should at least make an effort to understand it.

Right?

So here's the KC's rudementary guide to hockey, as I understand it, for all the ladies out there.

1. A mix of hot and not so hot guys hit the ice. About 6 of them. 5 and the goalie. Sometimes there are fights. Violence never is a solution to problems, but, when the gloves come off, feel free to fantasize that the shirts do too!

2. Two Players share one on one time with the puck. It's a chance to see who wants the puck more. It's a very special moment.

3. They skate around trying to steal the puck from each other to ultimately get it into a net barely larger than the gent guarding it. It's so important to keep the puck out, a man is willing to put himself in between a speeding projectile and the net.

Yes, Hockey is much more dramatic than I ever realized.

4. There are rewards for "Act of God" occurances. Should the tiny puck make it's way from one end of the rink directly into the net, the team gets a point. If it hits the wall instead... Well, you're gonna get in trouble.

"Dude, you may be skatin' on ice, but, you don't have a stick like Jesus."

5. They skate around for 3 periods that are 20 minutes each. Important, not so thrilling fact: They also switch sides. So don't cheer when it appears the visiting team scored accidentally for the home team.
Mistakes like that rarely happen.
There are few "Act of God" occurances during modern day hockey.

6. Junk food just tastes good when you're at an event. I recommend eating a lot, because, when it gets boring then you can always eat.

7. Sex in public. Hell, let's add this one in. Why not?

The End.