Election time & all I can think of is fashion

What is wrong with me?

The celebs are pimping it in full force to encourage voters to hit the mid-term polls and vote vote vote!

But, I don't care care care. Normally, I don't agree with individuals flaunting their celebrity to sway the opinions of voters. Although, in regards to the past few elections, US voters did such a terrible job when left to their own devices it's nearly a requirement.

Here's a good rule of thumb when following celebrity political endorsements:

You should vote for the candidate that isn't republican.

So simple isn't it.

Well, in remotely less boring news, Posh and Beckam are looking to take over the US. Becks was asked to play for an L.A. soccer team, while Posh is trying desperately to position herself as a fashion icon.

Posh's recently launched blog documents her life as a "fashion" icon, and has such thrilling behind the scenes footage of Posh shopping, trying on clothes and her maids dying all her clothes black. She also has released a companion book to help cure the world of all ills fashion and fashionable.

Thrilling.

Life changing.

Epic.

Almost as epic as those lines she needs to complete in order to keep herself skinny.
Unless, she's a sassy lil' frassy with bulemia.

Chapter 1

Children, remember the food guide is propaganda generated by big business and fatties. If you want to be fashionable, you also need to be thin. So disregard the guide that encourages you to eat insane servings of carbs. Why? Carbs make you fat. And, fat makes you unfashionable.

Ways to tell you are fat:
The only pair of shoes you can wear are crocs.
The size 2 dress fits snug.
You don't do crystal meth or cocaine as your main diet drug.

Chapter 2
Black is slimming.
We can never be too thin. Fatties might shout and say you're unreasonably thin and are anorexic. Don't listen to them, they are unfashionable. What you should do is ensure that every item in your wardrobe is black.
If it isn't, dye it.

Chapter 3
People as accessories.
When you are so thin and fashionable, your heart will turn to stone and you will lose the capability to love. But, that doesn't mean you can't have a man on your arm. A sexy man by your side is iconic. You never have to live in the same home, location or hemisphere, however, if he wears a wedding band that you placed there, he is yours.

If you do happen to fall in love and want to have children. Consider hiring a surrogate mother, less stress and havoc since you can let another woman worry about it. Let her have the morning sickness, the ever expanding belly, the parasitic human feeding off of her blood and the episotomy. You can have the martinis and never have to relinquish your "prescribed" medications.