1. Restaurants that substitute beds for tables.
How are you expected to eat lying on a squishy bed? How pretentious do you have to be to go to one of these places? Silly. Awkward. Gross.

2. Restaurants that pretend "Rock Lobster" is "Real Lobster"
You think we can't tell we're paying $15/lbs for a miserly, gritty and tasteless piece of warm water lobster that was flash frozen and shipped up from Brazil? Please!

3. Enormous religious statues as decoration in hipster dining holes.
Imagine, leagues of tragically hip urbanites with more money than sense sipping on over priced technicolour cocktails underneath the watchful gaze of Buddha. Listen, Sweetheart, maintaining a close proximity to a religious idol is not going to A)Guarantee the success of you restaurant. B) Make that roofy you slipped in your date's drink apart of communion.