The chaos in her soul floated up to the heavens only to rain down on the world in a freak sh*tstorm of bathtub gin shooters chasing Trim Spa poppers.

Yes, February has brought with it a world of self loathing, break ups and break downs. An all consuming world of tragedy and woe.

In true KarmaCake fashion- I need to address this. Ladies, you have got to stop forfeiting your inner goddess when something goes wrong. When sh*t happens don't take it personal, you just have to pick yourself up and keep on going.

Now some of us learn this sooner than others, and I definitely consider myself a late bloomer. Indulging in pageants and modelling as a way to justify my beauty, only to realize that beauty is a business, best left to others.

Yes, I've cried over everything from lost lovers to fat calves- I'm not made out of stone! However, when it comes to men, it's true, you have to love yourself. Love your time, your friends and the world that you built by yourself. Your life is so precious why give it up for just anyone?

Okay, your heart flutters when he calls... that's intrigue, woman, not love.
Get it straight.

Empower yourselves with the knowledge that women have the power to make the most powerful man melt. We have caused wars, ended wars and looked damn good doing it. So why are you flipping out when your phone doesn't ring?

Like Beyonce says "I can have another you in a minute. Matter fact he'll be here in a minute, baby"

I'm not saying you should tune into horribly contrived daytime television. Nauseating panel discussion and hour long diatribes on matronly empowerment through childbirth erode my faith in the greater female population. Even Martha Stewart has lost her fierce edge, in her Tyra Banks Show version of Martha Stewart Living- painfully livening her segments with forced laughter and fake smiles.

It's like horrible Stepford Wives minus the sex appeal.

Remember:

Real women have balls.
Stephen Colbert calls them "Thatchers"