How was I supposed to know my day of eating pot noodles, booking venues and quelling the hot tempers of collegiate academia was going to result in a phone introduction to the I Rub My Duckie - Paris.

Honestly, any person wearing a feather boa and sporting a Swarovski crystal in it's beak is in fact, up to something sinister - This rubber duck is no exception. Ladies, it's a vibrator - in the shape of a rubber duck.

If going to your local XXX "Love Boutique" was too overwhelming for your sensitive feminine spirit, or ordering questionable items wrapped in discreet brown packaging over the internet was too surreptitious, you now can log onto and purchase the "I Rub My Duckie" for less than $50 and feel less like an over sexed porn elf.

Mind you, you'll be riding a rubber duckie, but, at least it doesn't look like a penis! Some may even argue that it's more fun than a conventional vibrator with three vibrating points to stimulate your over 3000 nerve endings on your body. But, who are we kidding? Chances are you're going to be concerned mostly with testing our the vibrating beak, head or tail on one spot in particular and we all know where that isn't located.

The duckie is a perfect gift item if only for its novelty factor and apparent usefulness. Trust me, this is one gift that will keep on giving and won't cause embarrassment when your mum sees it pop out of your underwear drawer. Who's to know that the rubber duckie is your part time lover?

So hop on over to and pick up the I Rub Duckie and give yourself a Quackie.


PS - Ernie, your rubber ducky's all grown up now and is making women around the world moan "I Rub My Duckie, You're the One!"