Paris Hilton is malevolent pop culture seductress. She weens our attention to focus on the declining health of her rotating cast of BFFs liver health.

Well, there are few celebrities that Paris can rely on for social alcoholism these days. Amy Winehouse is a little too far gone, and everyone else is in rehab or recovering. So what's a girl to do?

Let's make a celeb and corrupt her the good ol' fashioned way!

Paris is a star fucker, but is she a star maker?

Obviously, I'm not available to party with Miss Hilton, besides, my poverty doesn't permit me to jetset to exotic locations beyond the Bloor Street Valu-Mart. I must be content to sit and read up on her life via the internet.

Kind of like her new BFF winner, Brittany Flickinger. She was dumped, dissed and dismissed in Sundance by Paris who apparently was rocking out with a Danity Kane singer.

Paris is gearing up for a new season of My New BFF, while Brittany is posting on her myspace blog about her "favorite girl" and bonding with the myspace creators.

uh... hot?

You know what was hot about Sundance? Brittany apparently running out of a bathroom shouting to Paris, "Wait for me! Don't leave me in the bathroom"

Listen, Brittany... Let your new BFF KC give you some advice - Paris is going to do her thing and you my dear are acting like a well trained pet. But, we all get tired of things that cling, so why don't you party it up, have a great time. Go back to fronting your band and being awkward around men, that's the girl Paris fell for...

And, BTW - if someone buys you a fanny pack - it's usually a gag gift.