Celeb Gossip: Britney Update

How do you know Aunt Flo is visiting Britney?

Her Chach is covered.

Lord knows it ain't because of modesty!




Thanks Perez Hilton, I snagged this photo from your website!

Oochie Coochie Cover Up!!!

Look, I realize there are much more important topics to cover in this world, but, I'm afraid I have to deal with a topic that is by far more disturbing than anything you'll see on the front page of the The Star.

What could this be? Celebrity coochies are on the loose! And, boy are they ever loose!

har har

So let's have a brief timeline of the paparazzi cunt hunt...

It began with shots of Paris' naughty bits, plateaued with Lindsay Lohan's famously nicknamed firecrotch and progressed to Britney Spear's nearly successful rebound cooch.

WHAT IS GOING ON!?

The debutants at the charm school cotillion are probably busting their bolts like a Stepford Wife short circuit.

So pink is the new "wardrobe malfunction", I see. Breasts are so yesterday's news and please, sex tapes! They scatter attention amongst the participants. It's obvious that to grab attention, celebrities needed to come up with a new strategy, and what a strategy it is!!

Paris, well your crotch is a road well travelled, so I have little to say.
Lindsay, you cannot over compensate for your declining career with your hoochie. It's even less entertaining than your recent film career.
Britney, I have nothing to say. Just ew. Put a towel down or something.

Reminder: Celeb Fragrance Lines!

Here's something that's bringing up the rear of celeb trends! Behind the cutsy couple nicknames, ie- Vaughniston, behind the humans as accessories ie- trashy boyfriends ala Britaline or Nicole Richie's "singer" Taryn Manning and yes, even behind the celebrity baby boom, you will find the sweet smell of success: Celebrity Fragrance Lines.

In a scent-sitive (har har) modern age it's difficult to imagine anyone truly making money off of these ventures. But, they all are doing it, Celine Dion, Britney Spears, J Lo and now even tennis star Maria Sharapova.

Why are they doing this in face of a declining women's fragrance market in North America? Well, large cosmetic companies are hoping that the celebrity endorsement route will help to reinvigorate sales. ha ha. not likely!

Sure Britney's fragrance Curious was the #1 seller over the holiday season in 2004, but, was that an anomily? Chances are...

I really love how the fragrances really are not representational of the scents of the celebrities. You know, I imagine Paris Hilton's fragrance to smell like sex and cheap film, Britney Spear's scent to smell like hooch & fried chicken, Maria Sharapova's scent to smell like Tennis Player B.O. and J Lo's to smell like money.

Okay, not compelling, but, give me a break. I'm sleepy!