Didn't Cha Know?

Tuesday morning in my little office.

Head down.
Erykah Badu sings

Time to save the world
Where in the world is all the time
So many things I still don't know
So many times I've changed my mind
Guess I was born to make mistakes
But I ain't scared to take the weight
So when I stumble off the path
I know my heart will guide me back



I stumble off the path a lot. I mean, I follow my heart as far as my head will allow me these days. I refuse to allow my self worth be measured through the opinions of others. I've already done that, it was called a beauty pageant, and I don't need to go back there again.



I am your average metropolitan girl. I have a fabulous place to live, a sassy group of girl friends to sit discuss life with over pot luck dinners. I can strut my way through Yorkville with my cuban military hat, my winter scarf spring tied around my neck and my oh-so-fitted spring pea-coat with my walkman in my ears I listen to an eclectic mix of Beastie Boys, Thrush Hermit, Lily Allen, Madonna and Jill Scott.

I toss a quarter to the hand out on the street, I listen to his story of his son. I accept his blessing, I wish him well.

I get a pink coloured drink from the coffee shop down the street. I sip on it as I play with an adorable Liliputian lap dog wriggling for attention.

March Breakers look for directions to the ROM across the street.

Construction workers turn to stare. I stare back, I pull down my sunglasses and wink back with a smile. We talk. Travellers mostly, New York, New Jersey, East Coast, West Coast, they've come to build the ROM. I ask if they get danger pay. They don't. We toast to not stepping on nails, they wish me well, I turn to wave goodbye.

This is my life. My city. My world. We all smile, we all work, we are all in it together.

Make it a community.

I can strut my way down the street with my head up...

(Yeah, I did smile at you)

Now I work with my head down. But, I can't wait for my walk home.

Recalled Items

If you haven't seen it before, CBC has a website that lists product recalls and advisories.

From bottled water to pregnancy tests, they have it all.

Except for the Urban Outfitters Fanny Packs (Picture on its way. Just trying to get blogger to upload it!)

These obnoxious little pouches were sold for $35 and are featured in black and brown. Manufacturing error accidentally attached purse to belt thereby producing noxious bad taste that might be harmful to the wearers overall sense of style.
Those who purchased the offending item are encourage to return to the store for a full return.

Councilling is available to those who deny the offensiveness of fanny packs.

Oh, they are so horrible they make me cringe!

MSN Epiphanies.

When I sing, I rarely sing for others, but, I adore the sumptuousness of the words in different languages that roll off my tongue. Words are music. An organization of sounds an silences. Singing for me, is so deeply personal, I only sing for those I trust, admire and adore.

Words I adore shaped through tones I create.

Poetry.

Beauty so true they are a confession of an artists inspiration.

As a writer, I strive for that power. To elicit a response.

To be an artist.
To be honest.

Reality is the greatest inspiration for art. And, I am inspired through many words that pop up in the unlikely alley of my msn window.

Words.
Released without fear.
Poetry. Epiphanies.
Honesty.

Here are some that struck me this weekend.

Mark: You're beautiful.
KC : umm... was that meant for me?
Mark: Yes.
KC: Awe, thanks!
Mark: I think you're absolutely stunning.
Mark: I wanted you to know. ;)
KC: Where did that loveliness come from
KC: *hugs*
Mark: Random. I think that's the best.

...............

MADD HATTERE: Before they left, we were joking around, and Ash said, I think I had an emotion once, and than it got surrounded by thoughts
MADD HATTERE: and we all laughed for a bit
MADD HATTERE: but than as I sat and waited for the subway, it came to me, Cil had emotion once, but than it got surrounded in thoughts
MADD HATTERE: and I couldn't stop laughing

...............

J:You're the ideal inner goddess, you're just wonderful. And beautiful, inside and outside
J: I READ "Hello Lil Squeaker"
J: i wanted to tell you
J: it's beauttiful
J: i also saw myself. i see commercials, i see full of babies in the city and I am afraid of never having this.
KC: I worry how people interpret me when they read it. They might think that I'm looking to forfeit my goals for settling down. When in fact, it's the opposite.
J: who cares!
J: you can't censure yourself
J: you're an artist
J: a creator

...............

Jay: you are rare and beautiful
Jay: ;)

...............

B (&): you are there with unconditional love for your friends
B (&): so they are there for you too
...............

Love you all.
Even if I work all the time and write until 4am.
:P

What Would Carrie Do?

What would Ms. Bradshaw do?
She would drink.
She would call her BFs
And, she would go out and reaffirm her life.

Well, we drank, we chilled, and we went to the Mod Club.

D got passed off while P was dealing with her woman sleeping in the same bed as another and I, well, I my little KC faithfuls, just danced.

And I, minus my pretty pearl necklace- which is MIA.

The theme for the evening was blurred by personal drama, terrible fashion sense and the ability to shake it like a polaroid picture to bubbles moving gently through the airy melancholy of Radiohead. Yes, the evening was a white tastic salute to pop rock and rock pop from the 80's to present.

While the scene was peppered with confused dancers, grinding sans direction I was more concerned with the state of my hair, and the lift of my chest, to take much notice to the girls giving me cut eye for dancing like my life depended on it.

This is after intense preparty car karaoke-ing.
In which I killed.
Harmonies and shit.

It was a good night.
We made it fun.

Glamorous Saturday Day

There's nothing like a self imposed moritorium to really get a girl motivated.

The hardest thing is wanting something so badly that I'll shut myself off in an effort to dedicate myself completely at the task at hand. To have ambition that sometimes infiltrates into other areas of my life and as a result makes me anything from emotionally distant with the people I care about, to an occasional moment of weakness, to even shedding the occasional tear.

For what it is that I want to do, is purely motivated by my heart's desire and not through any obligation to anything or anyone but myself. So letting myself down is my biggest fear. Because, when it's all said and done, when I reflect on my life I don't want to have regrets that outshadow my successes. I don't want to forfeit wisdom for disappointment.

I don't want to be less than I know I'm capable of being.

Where I stand now is in an interesting position. I have a sure bet, a bright future in which I can be in control. Or, a not so sure bet, where I have to relinquish all control and just submit to the whim of the universe.

So I sit.
Staring at my computer screen, looking at pages of prose, event plans, workplans, pages of research, advancement goals, and tear sheets for some photoshoots I'm working on. I can't help but feel overwhelmed.

I'm here and the right thing to do is to get started... I have to just stop staring out the window put down the phone, stop searching missing jewellery and put down the bag of chips. If I want to be who I want to become, then I need to buckle down.

Then as type these words, it occurs to me, it's not what we do does not define us. It's simply how we do it.

I'm going to do it...

NOT alone... And, I pick up the phone and call Parul.