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How do you know Aunt Flo is visiting Britney?
Her Chach is covered.
Lord knows it ain't because of modesty!
Thanks Perez Hilton, I snagged this photo from your website!
Thursday, November 30, 2006
It's not a holiday that's terribly festive, but, that's not the point of World AIDS Day.
For one day out of a year, the public is encouraged to reflect, review and realize where we have come in terms of AIDS diagnosis and treatment as well as how far we have still to go.
This year's theme is STOP AIDS. KEEP THE PROMISE and we all can make a difference. It takes a little courage, a little heart and maybe a little interest to check out one of the events.
Ignorance and predjudice increases the spread of a preventable disease everyday in regions that are not just defined by their poverty. Globally, 65 million people are living with AIDS yet only 1.5 million have access to treatment.
But, don't think it ends there, I've got more statistics for you and they ain't so pretty... 25 million have died since 1981 and 2.6 million died in 2006 alone.
The stats are supposed to be scary, because the world is ravaged by a pandemic that coninually effects more than effective international response can assist.
Stand up, make a commitment to yourself and the world to help conquer AIDS. Educate yourself, get tested, make a donation and...
speak out.
Who doesn't love the holidays?
I love them a little bit more because NOW I have Hot Santa!
Fido Wireless has reinvented the traditional Jolly ol' Saint Nick into a super sexy, argyle sweater vest wearing, altruistic and libidinous bad ass.
He's hot.
He's got style.
He's got an El Camino instead of a Sleigh.
*sigh*
He appears in Fido's ads for the Unlimited Christmas Package. 
And, if you haven't seen the adverts, you can click here and watch it for yourself.
Hot Santa can slide down my chimney and father my children.
What?! He's hot! Don't judge me. You want him too.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Look, I realize there are much more important topics to cover in this world, but, I'm afraid I have to deal with a topic that is by far more disturbing than anything you'll see on the front page of the The Star.
What could this be? Celebrity coochies are on the loose! And, boy are they ever loose!
har har
So let's have a brief timeline of the paparazzi cunt hunt...
It began with shots of Paris' naughty bits, plateaued with Lindsay Lohan's famously nicknamed firecrotch and progressed to Britney Spear's nearly successful rebound cooch.
WHAT IS GOING ON!?
The debutants at the charm school cotillion are probably busting their bolts like a Stepford Wife short circuit.
So pink is the new "wardrobe malfunction", I see. Breasts are so yesterday's news and please, sex tapes! They scatter attention amongst the participants. It's obvious that to grab attention, celebrities needed to come up with a new strategy, and what a strategy it is!!
Paris, well your crotch is a road well travelled, so I have little to say.
Lindsay, you cannot over compensate for your declining career with your hoochie. It's even less entertaining than your recent film career.
Britney, I have nothing to say. Just ew. Put a towel down or something.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Jared Leto, violent blog hater, is now dating the quintessential queen of the Blogiverser, Tila Tequila.
I guess Tila likes it rough, bop bop.
Jared Leto, pretty but untalented actor/singer, just needs to shut his mouth and do what he does best, and look pretty. According to him, "Blogging today is like yesterday's parachute pants".
Yeah, and actor's persuing singing careers is like yesterday's emorific smudged black liner. But, that's not stopping him from doing either.
Oh Tila, convert that man, and teach him how to blog.
I am not ashamed to say it. I love Hilary Duff's perfume, With Love.
I wrote a blog back in the day that panned Celebrity fragrence lines. Oh how I'm eating crow right now, but, I don't care.
Hilary Duff's new fragrence is my new favorite thing. It hardly smells like the porceline vaneers, non invasive plastic surgery and bulemia that we might come to expect.
In fact, it's an oriental scent with champagne, fruit and musky wood aromas that I'm addicted to. I don't want to stop smelling my wrist, I don't care if the world thinks I'm a secret service agent, this fragrence is da'bomb.
But, does the bottle have to look like Elizabeth Tayler's White Diamonds? Kind of morbid foreshadowing, don't you think?
Sunday, November 26, 2006
I've had a little project that fell my way, it's a little indie flick focused around the topic of the cat fight and the sensationalism of the cat fight in the media.
Kind of sounds like a topic for SNL's "Coffee Talk" with Linda Richman. "I'm getting a little verklempt! Consider this: the term catfight has nothing to do with cats fighting. Discuss"
So let's discuss!
The cat fight as in two females pitted against each other for ratings, boost in sales or just plain, one on one maliciousness. From our all time favorite cat fight of Paris and Nicole to Condolezza Rice and Hilary Clinton. In the end, two females sincerely cannot be competing against each other without the media blowing the whole affair up into a... catfight!
meow.
If that's the case, why can't we have a male catfight? I would adore an announcement of a catfight between Gee Double-ya and Kerry? Oh hell, I'd be down to rename Bush's War on Terrorism and call it "The Bush/Terror Catfight" But, truthfully, who wants to see yee ol' Prez sit in a ring and contemplate how to fight himself? Poor man can't even have a fork in front of him without someone putting a cork on the prongs.
Regardless, there is a culture associated with the catfight and the film "Unspoken Words" deals with bringing this culture to light. I'm in the opening scene, where a supposed honest and frank discussion between a group of women goes awry. Click here to check out the podcast interview that was aired on Natradio's Liquid Lunch. Note: Liquid Lunch is daily streaming radio broadcast featuring on of my favorite hosts, the saucy Irma Gagnon. Tune in, you'll love it.
So in a somewhat related, but, not discussed in this post:
1. To all my friends this is why I haven't been around
2. Yes, this really is a project
3. If you're interested in learning more, or finding out how you can contribute click here
If you've been living under a rock, then you probably haven't heard about Michael Richards losing his cool on stage at the Laugh Factory last week.
The melt down began with heckles from the audience and went from zero to 666 in point 5 seconds. If you haven't seen the abhorrant tyrad click in and watch it right here:
To say this is shocking is a great understatement! Here we see the man that the public relied on as loveable Kramer on NBC's hit tv show Seinfeld reduced to a man addicted to "Rage-ahol" (Simpsons reference. Yes, you should feel bad if you don't get it.) If you want to read about some of her other rage induced episodes, click in to Margaret Cho's blog.
I don't believe that his on stage attacks were a product of embedded racism, rather, the result of a weak man with an anger problem resort to the lowest common denominator to obviously inflict pain.
It backfired.
Of course, racial jokes are par for the course in comedy. Horrific racial slander directed to an individual in an audience... eh, not so much.
When a control addict creep wants to put the world down he's obviously upset about something and it probably had nothing to do with that guy interrupting Mr. Richards' flow. It could've been anyone, it could've been me. But, thankfully it wasn't... I was in Toronto that night, because I live there.
So what's happening now? Mr. Richards has engaged in a PR tour to repair his damaged reputation. Probably the most press the fading comedian has received in a decade. Well, in my mind, it doesn't matter if he appeared on Rev. Jesse Jackson's radio show to his sincerest apologies and to defend his anti-racism.
Apparently, Richards told Jackson that he had not used the language before and that the devasting rethoric came through him "like a freight train". I find it hard to believe, but, I'm neither the judge nor the jury.
In the end, I'm disappointed, when you see hate magnified it rattles your faith in ever reaching a truly tolerant community. Like Margaret Cho said on her blog "Has the White Power Movement ever had a celebrity spokesperson?"
No, I don't believe so.
But, now they do.
Congrats Mr. Richards.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Thank you The Buzz for allowing me to write you a little piece on Christmas prep in the thriving metropolis of Toronto.
You gave me my Carrie Bradshaw moment.
Sitting infront of my window, looking down on Bay and Davenport, I typed thoughtfully on my laptop about what it meant to be celebrating the holidays in Upper Canada. Though I had no cigarette to butt out, I did have a licorice wip I worked on while writing.
Islanders, keep an eye out for the December issue to hit news stands.
It's small, but, it's a step in the right direction and it's a step that I got by myself.
Because, Karmacake would love a hand out, she just knows that she would rather work hard for every little job she earns.
:)
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
I should be sleeping right now but I can't just yet. I got stuck in a myriad of wistful memories of my hometown, Summerside, and how in Upper Canada it's hard to explain where it is that I'm from.
My ex sure never cared... So I suppose everyone would react the same way.
This post is mainly for my own benefit. You know, on those days I feel homesick I can just click in and remember.
This is Jubilee Theatre. It seats about 700 folks and it was the site of my first play on a real stage. I played Meg in Little Women for the Holiday show run.
My first fans were in the audience.
My first on stage kiss.
My first uncomfortably elaborate costume.
My first taste of stardom.
I subsequently sang at every Music Festival there and it was my goal to fill the entire theatre with my voice in opera.
The College of Piping, only a 5 minute walk from my house. I remember summers sitting in the bath serenaded by the obnoxious honk of bag pipes.
Sorry. I'm not a bag pipe fan.
I also learned how to sing Gaelic there and performed with many a iconic Island performers.
Great gift shop!! I got my Bodhran there!!
Daaaaamn, Spinnaker's Landing. I not only had lots of jobs there, I used to get my sailboat stuck in this dodgy little corner in the back. Ugh.
Fogarty's Cove and Papa Wheelies! Two of the best summer jobs a girl could've had. Loved Beth and Dave.
PEI Dirt Shirts. There was a time when falling in a red mud puddle was death for your pants. Well an Islander decided to do that with all white shirts and started one of tourists favorite clothing item: The PEI DIRT SHIRT
A shirt dipped in red mud.
Christmas presents everyone!
My Island in the winter.
Can you understand why I'm so sad I'm not going home this Christmas?
This is honestly what PEI looks like with snow... it's like nothing you will see anywhere else.
Here it is, down the street from my house was this... my high school!
TOSH aka Three Oaks Senior High.
I had a good time in High School, it's also when I started to turn into a hottie. Good times.
Ah, home sweet home.
Miss you PEI.
But, it's hard to be what I want to be there.
So I'm here.
For now.
Now you see it. Now you don't!
That's the concept behind Calgary's interest in erecting several disappearing Urinal stations around the city.
Canada's New West is on a mission to regulate human behaviour. No fighting, spitting or peeing in public! Bill Bruce, Calgary's director of bylaw services, assures Calgarians that they are "...not after people who get caught short and have to sneak into the bushes and take care of business"
The hilarity is, at least to me, that Calgary is taking on the responsibility of teaching their public etiquette! However, for some unknown reason, male Calgarians are reluctant to adopt proper behaviour unless it's paired with a fined. But, make no mistake, this is not uniquely a Calgary problem. This is an issue that is plaguing most Western Canadian cities!
In Saskatoon, the Public Spitting, Urination and Defecation Prohibition Bylaw has been in effect for two years. And, in the past year 50 residents have been charged under the bylaw.
If you are unsure on what qualifies as spitting, then no fret, the bylaw conveniently outlines that for you. It simply means "to eject phlegm, saliva, chewing tobacco juice or any other substance from the mouth."
How about poo? Historically, there's a lot of that what spewed out of Ralph Klein's mouth on more than one occasion.Okay, I digress.
BC also is having a problem with public urination and have subsequently invested in testing out hydrolic urinals for Bastion Square. Hopefully this will qwell the chronic scourge of the inebriated male population who just can't hold it in. By day, the urinals sleep in a subterrinian home, by night the vampiric urinals rise to the convenience of many.
Downside, the European made Urilift comes with a $75,000 price tag. Now, honestly, is public urination really a serious problem if you're only earning about $5,000 in fines? The "problem" is barely paying for the unit itself.
Just have stands for empty water bottles. Portable and handy, it can work hand and hand with existing recycling programs.
Imagine, commissioning a resort built for the affluent and upwardly mobile population streaming out of Taipei. The concept revolves around futuristic pods arranged like an Orwellian community, only to be abandoned.
This was Taiwan's government's failed dream. However, mysterious circumstances surrounding deaths of several construction workers consequently left the site, not only,
abandoned but clouded in rumours that it is also haunted.
Locals say the site is occupied by the ghosts of those workers who died in vain at the hand of numerous mysterious accidents. Apparently, because they aren't remembered they are unable to pass to the next world, and because this is considered a grave site, demolishing the units is apparently not an option.
The myth surrounding this little San Zhi resort somehow makes the
images much more special.
Apparently, the 4 pod construction made the units inexpensive to produce at some point in the 80's. Of course, nothing is confirmed on the buildings since the architects are unnamed and the construction workers who are still around are mum.
What is known is that somewhere, right now, there are a league of Orthodox Hipster Bohemians with their eye on the property to free the spirits from their earthly shackles and to transform the property into a commune of flower children and livestock.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
If I shouted in a crowded room, "All my Canadians in the house, stand up if you love Rick Mercer!" The man would get a standing ovation.
Rick Mercer is the original smart mouthed, political satirist.
The original informed pundit.
But, my lord, the man does go on! I rocked on over to his blog, and yes, it's filled with interesting political commentary, but, lots of interesting political commentary.
As always, I'm on a quest to make information accessible to the general public, to hopefully reinvigorate people's interest in current events, arts, culture and just generally having a social conscience.
In short, encourage people to look past the end of their own nose.
Mr. Mercer is attempting the same thing, and he gets points for the blog. But, you know what... not everyone has the blog talent.
I did love this line from Rick Mercer's Blog, in reference to Conservative Candidate Diane Haskett:
"Like most Canadians I am watching the campaign leading up to the by-election in London Ontario with baited breath."
Oh, we're watching, Mr. Mercer. The London by-election truly is up there on my list of things to bait my breath over. Next to reminding Belinda Stronach to breath in and breath out. Of which, I conveniently try to forget lest she might finally go away.
My faith is: London won't forget the $10,000 fine Diane Haskett opened the door for when she violated gay tax payer's rights. The pricey statement was to the effect of "endorsing homosexuality" would require her to "turn her back on God".
Diane Haskett: Conservative Candidate and Modern Day Apostle for Coles Notes Bible Thumpers! The representative for people requiring a phonetic transcription "Geezuz" to appear throughout the paper back. Diane was there, she's had trouble finding the source of that little footnote next to Jesus' name and she's ready to stand on your behalf in Parliament and shout "Footnote Four is the SON OF GOD!
"The lord Jesus loves you all! Except for the gays."
Contradiction! WOOooo!
Love you, Mercer.
Shorten the Blog.
My faith is: London won't forget the $10,000 fine Diane Haskett opened the door for when she violated gay tax payer's rights. The pricey statement was to the effect of "endorsing homosexuality" would require her to "turn her back on God".
Diane Haskett: Conservative Candidate and Modern Day Apostle for Coles Notes Bible Thumpers! The representative for people requiring a phonetic transcription "Geezuz" to appear throughout the paper back. Diane was there, she's had trouble finding the source of that little footnote next to Jesus' name and she's ready to stand on your behalf in Parliament and shout "Footnote Four is the SON OF GOD!
"The lord Jesus loves you all! Except for the gays."
Contradiction! WOOooo!
Love you, Mercer.
Shorten the Blog.
Monday, November 20, 2006
What I call the Holiday Hex is nothing more than annual Holiday shopping. Elbowing your way down an aisle in an over crowded shop to only emerge sweaty, irate and dishevelled.
Ugh, it's horrible. Thank God for online shopping!!
But, these windows at Holt Renfrew's flagship on Bloor West here in Toronto truly make for a beautiful distraction. I look forward to the window dressings every year, but, this year they are 
particularly exquisite. Enough to sooth the rage in my soul roused from an hour in the same mall as thousands of stunned migrating cattle with credit cards.
If you haven't checked the windows out, you really must. Mannequins luxuriously posed in thousand dollar gowns and celebrating the season in a frosted Gothic fantasy world.
The artistry is all so very very beautiful.
It's one of those days.
It's grey, cold and the trees are shaken loose of their leaves.
HIDE YOUR SHAME
*sigh*
Bring back summer.
I look at that photo and I dream about sleeping, but, it's not to be had just yet. Too much still to do when the end of the day comes and it has to do with cleaning and getting the venue booked for the next party.
Moments ago I went to the loo, the route stears me past Atom Egoyan's office, who I have yet to see hold office hours. I was shocked to discover that the door was open, the lights were on and obviously his Egoyan-ness was there.
I love how we're pretty much office buddies. The Cake and The Atom
Sunday, November 19, 2006
What is a blog?
Sarah is totally confused.... my baby faced friend has never encountered a blog.
I think she thought it was a giant blob like mass similar to Jabba the Hutt on Star Wars.
Darling.
So now, needless to say, she's a hooch for da cake
DA KARMACAKE!
peace
Friday, November 17, 2006
Last night we had a wee soiree at UC's Sexual Diversity Studies to celebrate the establishment of the Roberts Fund. A student award for Lesbian Gay Bi and Transgendered youth that's available to all U of T students.
One step closer to helping foster a more inclusive and accepting community.
We had a good time, people from the community and the university were there to usher it in with style.
Gourmet Galaxy catered and it was delicious.
Mark Bradfield came and snapped the photos.
Mark allowed me to snap some shots.
A merry time was had by all!
Or, should I say a "Gay" time was had by all.
gay meaning homosexual AND happy.
forget it.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
For all you haters out there, please enjoy this link
You will see yours truly modelling the sauciest little dress that ever molded to my body. Thank you Mendocino Flagship on Bloor West, your people dressed me well!
Thanks Operanation for giving me a reason to dress with style on October 13, 2006.
Thanks Jak and Jil for recognizing that I'm a star. I will overlook the misspelling of my name because when you have style, your clothes speak for you!
I'm trying to write my teensy piece for Prince Edward Island's A&E paper The Buzz and I am stuck in a funk.
I can't get the words in my head to flow out of my fingers and onto my computer screen. Why? Well, it has a little something to do with Microsoft's inability to not suck.
As you know, I have a new computer: Lappy 3000. Lappy came with all the bells and whistles including Microsoft Office. I mean, how convenient is that? Word Processing on a home computer, what a novel concept? Well apparently, it is! Because as I attempt to install Microsoft Office, Microsoft refuses to allow me.
The product key that Microsoft gave me, is invalid. Customer Support had a fab idea, I should log online and buy a new key... FOR $249!!!
NOT LIKELY!
So now I have writer's block, no word processor, and I'm irate that Microsoft wants to violate me against my will. So what's a girl to do? I first hit the net trying to locate some illegal key or a crack so I can stick it to the man. However, the websites that have this information ask me politely to sign up for some free porn to get the key.
I mean porn and spam are my two favorite pork products, but, it goes bad pretty fast. Luckily, I found a msg board thread that advertised a lifesaving product called Open Office. This is yet another special product that is constructed by braniacs for people like me. Well meaning children who are tired of the over priced and over hyped software that we feel forced to buy. Well now we're not. Now we have paint.net instead of photoshop and Open Office instead of Microsoft Office.
Hallelujah!
So now I have writer's block, a useless word processor I need to uninstall, a little less anger towards Microsoft, and a whole lot of anxiousness for Open Office to install and I can stick it to the man.
This is without Microsoft getting all Metallica on my ass and suing me like Napster on a summer's day.
Viva la Mac!
Sunday, November 12, 2006
In the ongoing spirit of bringing the world in an accessible and entertaining way, I decided today to blog about birth control. It's high time, I say! Ladies of Toronto and Canada, this ones for you.
And, the boys cringe.
Topic of the Day: The Morning After Pill or Plan B
As of 2005, the Morning After Pill (.75mg of Levonorgestrel) was approved for over the counter sales. Though Canada is the 34th country to approve Plan B OTC it continues to divide the public. Thankfully, in Canada, it is only debated and women's reproductive right continues to prevail.
What is it?
The Morning After Pill which is available OTC here in Canada is Plan B. Plan B is two particularly high dosages of the progestin only hormone, Levonorgestre, delivered orally 12 hours apart.
What does it do?
Plan B acts both to prevent ovulation or fertilisation and possibly post-fertilisation implantation of a blastocyst (embryo). Phew! What a lot of talk!
Well frankly you must take the pill as soon as humanly possible. It is still effective 72 hours after sex, however, the effectiveness is greatly diminished. So take it fast, not slow.
Where can I find it?
Drug stores across Canada and Clinics.
Is it easy to get?
Yes, walk in to the pharmacists counter. Suck up your courage, admit you had sex, accept everyone's doing it too and say "Can I have the Morning After Pill, please"? The pharmacist will take you aside and in 1 minute explain the side effects, will produce a little blue box and charge you $33 for it.
Planned Parenthood Clinics sell Plan B for less, how much? I don't know, I haven't called them yet. But, keep an eye out on this space, the information will come.
Side Effects?
Nausea, headaches, cramping... although, some women don't experience a single side effect, others experience them all. In the end, it's a small price to pay for peace of mind.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
From the celebrity stylists that brought you Gwen as Alice in Wonderland, a heart broken Italian countessa and of course the original... Gwen the ska chicklette, now check it out it's Gwen as the leader of the Aryan Nation!
What did you do with the Harajuku Girls, Gwen? Where are they? They might have been your "of the moment" accessory, but, I think the Japanese have feelings too!
Caught in the craze and workin' on a budget, keep an eye out for Fergie's debut as her usual troll-faced self rollin with a crew of cranky Bingo addicts... rubbing, grinding on her for good luck in between smoke breaks...
and Crystal Meth hits.
hot.
Forever the optimist, I wake up smiling regardless of the grey light filtering through my blinds. How could I not? The window is cracked open with cool air drifting into my room and I'm wrapped tightly in my favorite duvet.
And, I promise you, that duvet is impermeable to cold air.
Promise.
Now I'm basking in the afterglow of an amazing breakfast. I took all my favorite foods like English muffin, butter and garlic sauteed spinach topped with smoked salmon a poached egg and my killer hollandais sauce.
All from scratch, because you can make it better yourself.
Now I'm blogging, pleased that I don't have to do a thing today except vacuum, job hunt and blog.
Although, the ghetto cam is missing.
Tonight, off to El Mocambo to check out my boy Paul and his band, The Amber Room, then over to The Reverb to see my girls.
Don't forget it's Rememberance Day... Gotcha Poppies, Bitches?
Thursday, November 09, 2006
give a shout out to Brayden.
11% of my readers are from Korea
50% are lawyers in Toronto.
hawt.
Brayden, is a sensitive soul who likes to pick up women at AA meetings, be sarcastic on msn, and speak to Bloganistas he has never met in person. Overall, he's a good guy who although failed to stay online long enough to make a date, he did log on long enough to ask me to give him a shout out.
It is left to be determined that he's a girl friendly guy.
Right now he's E-Man.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Here's more of what you've heard already.
Britney is back to being hot.
K-Fed is the FedEx.
Britney filed divorce from the world's most expensive sperm donor on Monday. The FedEx was notified by text message just after a speech confessing his love for his wife and family on Canada's own MUCH MUSIC.
Wow, harsh.
If that wasn't bad enough, FedEx's debut album ranked #151 after it's first week of sales. That equals about 6,000 albums total sold! That's really shameful! If that wasn't enough of an insult upon injury, FedEx's upcoming performance in Chicago is being papered.
You heard me correctly.
Sales are so bad, HOB is giving tickets away for free.
Peace Federjerk.
I don't understand what a midterm election is and I really want to understand. Hey, if American's understand it then it can't be too difficult to learn, right?
har har!
Okay, enough jokes and on to further education! I bring you the US Midterm election explination, KC Style, yo!
In Canada, we have the Parliament. Number of seats equals the overall success of the party, a certain percentage of the seats equals a majority or minority government, but, always the party with the highest number of seats rewards the party leader with the crown jewel of Canadian Politics, the position of Prime-Minister.
Ah, c'est bien!
In the US, I don't understand. Midterm elections are on right now and my head is spinning, which only makes me want to understand it even more!!! How dare the Americans confuse me!
Midterm elections are like the returning menstrual cycle of the US politics. It comes and goes whether you're ready for it or not every two years and fall on the first Tuesday of November on even years. It's arrival is highly anticipated, and if all goes well then you can breath a huge sigh of relief and go back to life without a pregnan-Republican scare.
If on the occasional chance, things don't turn out as it was supposed to, and voters find themselves nursing a government they weren't prepared to be burdened with. Well, they're left to see the politician's reign to term and often without any help from the President. But, like an unwanted child demanding attention from a reluctant father, these elected folks can give El Padre Presidentito a whole lot of headaches.
Why? Because, midterm elections have no impact on ousting the President. They aren't a Presidential election, they are a midterm election, silly! Presidents are elected every 4 years. But, those 36 individuals voted in midterms have a voice and will work hard to be heard and make change.
weee.
Well, this is what happened this year: Democrats have won the majority of state governorships and US House seats since 1994. The Democrats win majority! Wee... time for change.
Does that make any sense?
Got home from the funeral, had a bath, made some care kits, gave them out, came home, started to blog and now I'm just waiting for some human contact.
A day where the only option you have is to reflect on your own mortality. Then when the day comes it's only how you lived your life and the positive impact you left behind that matters.
Your immortality.
We can live our entire lives trying to leave a legacy and when it's all over, no one cares. You lived your life for all the wrong reasons.
Where is everyone?
So why do you think people are homeless?
Governments provide welfare.
Region dictates good will to all men
And, one would expect that an individuals decentcy would want to reach out to help another human.
Reality is this:
Every year about 800 individuals are released from jail and immediately they will immediatly wind up on the streets of Toronto. This is a personal opinion, it's fact and will be the subject of a public forum at U of T on November 11th, 2006.
People without homes are committing crimes for shelter. What crimes are they committing and what crimes are being committed against them? Are jails the answer to homelessness?
It's such a saddening topic. That in a modern world we can't feed every hungry mouth, shelter every homeless individual, and just have everyone want to help others for a better world.
I was Miss Toronto and I want to change the world.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Intimidating?
Delivered like a broken record since I was a child.
Here's the thing, I'm not looking for excuses, reasons or some alibi like it was "meant to be" I just want to meet a guy I think is great, he thinks the same and that's it.
You see, I've come to realize that everyone else in the world has an interpretation of who I should be dating, and it's not necessarily the same as my own. So inevitably when I meet a new guy and I show my girls/boys they say the same thing "He's not cute enough", "too old", "too young", "not rich enough" and my favorite "You can do so much better" etc etc etc.
In their minds, I can never get it right.
In my mind, I always get it right.
So here's my wish list:
I go for kind spirit, interesting life, intelligent, hard working, culturally aware, ambitious, hard working and will eat my cooking. Essentially that guy that has the undeniable goodness of heart.
So far, those guys just never see me as the girl that likes them.
Until he told me that he's got a rat tail.
God has even revoked his stigmata.
But, the characters from Fubar have stepped in to salute his left nut.
Matt Pfaff.
You are special.
And, I'm an equal opportunity friend.
I still love you even if you have a handicap that encourages you to have a rat tail.
What is wrong with me?
The celebs are pimping it in full force to encourage voters to hit the mid-term polls and vote vote vote!
But, I don't care care care. Normally, I don't agree with individuals flaunting their celebrity to sway the opinions of voters. Although, in regards to the past few elections, US voters did such a terrible job when left to their own devices it's nearly a requirement.
Here's a good rule of thumb when following celebrity political endorsements:
You should vote for the candidate that isn't republican.
So simple isn't it.Well, in remotely less boring news, Posh and Beckam are looking to take over the US. Becks was asked to play for an L.A. soccer team, while Posh is trying desperately to position herself as a fashion icon.
Posh's recently launched blog documents her life as a "fashion" icon, and has such thrilling behind the scenes footage of Posh shopping, trying on clothes and her maids dying all her clothes black. She also has released a companion book to help cure the world of all ills fashion and fashionable.
Thrilling.
Life changing.
Epic.
Almost as epic as those lines she needs to complete in order to keep herself skinny.
Unless, she's a sassy lil' frassy with bulemia.
Chapter 1
Children, remember the food guide is propaganda generated by big business and fatties. If you want to be fashionable, you also need to be thin. So disregard the guide that encourages you to eat insane servings of carbs. Why? Carbs make you fat. And, fat makes you unfashionable.
Ways to tell you are fat:
The only pair of shoes you can wear are crocs.
The size 2 dress fits snug.
You don't do crystal meth or cocaine as your main diet drug.
Chapter 2
Black is slimming.
We can never be too thin. Fatties might shout and say you're unreasonably thin and are anorexic. Don't listen to them, they are unfashionable. What you should do is ensure that every item in your wardrobe is black.
If it isn't, dye it.
Chapter 3
People as accessories.
When you are so thin and fashionable, your heart will turn to stone and you will lose the capability to love. But, that doesn't mean you can't have a man on your arm. A sexy man by your side is iconic. You never have to live in the same home, location or hemisphere, however, if he wears a wedding band that you placed there, he is yours.
If you do happen to fall in love and want to have children. Consider hiring a surrogate mother, less stress and havoc since you can let another woman worry about it. Let her have the morning sickness, the ever expanding belly, the parasitic human feeding off of her blood and the episotomy. You can have the martinis and never have to relinquish your "prescribed" medications.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Personal style is such a touchy subject. Some people have it and some people don't. And, you can easily determin if you have good style or bad style by asking yourself one question:
Ladies: Which shoe will you choose to sport on a casual cool date of coffee and ice cream by the boardwalk?
(Yes, there is an incorrect answer)
If you chose the upper shoe, you are correct! Congratulations, you have the sense to recognize the lower shoe as inconvenient by-product from a standard tire manufacturing process.
There are dangerous times ahead! Decisions much more difficult than the aforementioned will dot the landscape of your Fashionscape, and you will be alone to make the final correct decision.
The burden is great.
The reward greater.
Those acting as representatives for "Fashionably Comfortable," a lobby group that has attempted to infiltrate the closets of all fashionistas, yet again! Though I have yet to prove of their existance, we all are familiar with their peverted philosophy is that fashion should never hurt, and that Payless should be the only shoe source.
So women of the world, if you are tired of choking on the fumes of Payless' cheap vinyl shoes, stand up!
If you preserved your fashion integrity regardless of the intrduction of UGGS -Bitches, stand up and salute your good taste!!
Recently, the offensive brand of gardening clogs that have appeared on the feet of women in public! Like beers under 6% alcohol are reserved for the elderly, the infirm and children, I say so should these shoes be reserved for the elderly, infirm and infantile!
Informants back home have shared that An International ChicTard agency (Fashionably Comfortable) unleashes their whoreanus "Crocs" like a swarm of ravenous locusts on the shoe collections of Maritimers. How can I sit back and idly let this happen? I thought their appearance in Yorkville this Spring/Summer was a prank for Juste Pour Rire Gags, and now I know, I was wrong.
But, this battle is personal now. The integrity of my home province is at stake, and the people need me! I must address this in my teensy piece I'm writing for the December issue of The Buzz.
If you own a pair of these rubberized foot shells please quickly deposit them in the recycling bin as indicated by the shoe's safe disposal techniques.
What other shoes are deemed too hideous to wear by the sane? Try UGGS, platform flip flops, chunky soled loafers (circa 1996), and of course gardening clogs worn outside your home.
Remember, even if there's a place for you to put your foot in doesn't mean you should.
It's hard work being the posterchild for single women in the city!
Lavalife's Click at a Flick is getting lots of press, and Jax and I are front and center keeping it real for the city's hotties.
We are the Flick n' Click girls, coming to a Lavalife party near you!
If you want to read the entire article, just rock on over to The Toronto Star and check it out.
I went to one event, but the mileage seems to be holding out for way more exposure then I was prepared for. Any comments, Jax?
2006 is a traumatic year of beginnings and endings.
Over the weekend, news quickly spread of my brother-in-law's father's passing.
He was a gentle man, a good man, and a man I looked forward to seeing at those brief family events dotted throughout the year. He was adored by his grandchildren, and admired by all. A lovely man who will be greatly missed, but he will never be forgotten.
May he guide his family from above.
Rest in Peace.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
This guy likes the nutcracker a scary amount.
Like a stay home and copy the slick moves of David Silver (the on air personae of Brian Austin Green) the musically apt, rockstar homie of the Belvery Hills High school sophomore crew. And, then comb brill cream through his thining mullet and put on his so 80's blazer and rock out in his miami basement. Like that type of big scary in love with the Nutcracker Suite.
This dude is Miami Vice bringing the classic hits of Tchaikovski to the youth by presenting it in a cool and new way. YAH!
He is keepin' it real and if you can deal with listening the entire title track you'll hear the creepy old man speak from beyond the grave. "Go to my website and buy my cd, Nutcracker Suite Electroneeque. Peace"
It was a song that tripped me out and made me feel scared to be alone locked in my apartment.
You want to listen to the single most wacked out song by a dedicated miami cheesola 80's sitcom sexy man neighbour role character begging you to visit his website. Then you just need to click here!
Mad Nutcracker!
Nutcracker Suite
Electronieek!
Friday, November 03, 2006
Thursday, November 02, 2006
When I was knee high to a grass hopper, I took art lessons at Lefurgy Cultural Centre in Summerside, PEI.
I painted pictures of grasshoppers, ladybugs, and the occasional smiling flower, I was really quite prolific as an artist during my early years, roughly around 6-9 years of age. My teacher, Ardis, who I mistakenly called Artist. In my defence, it was apt and not so far from her real name.
Well, I came across this on the online edition of my home newspaper, and there she is, lil' ol' Ardis proudly displaying her extensive collection of Colbalt Blue dining ware.
Bless Summerside's news for having a little old woman on the front page displaying her collection for all to enjoy. That's what Toronto is missing, that sweetness and charm that's inherit in a small town.
There just isn't enough people in the world who are excited by tea kettles and coffee creamers.
I have been in love many times, but, there's only one man -ONE MAN!!- who I have been in love with since I was 14.
He's never disappointed me. Never let me down. And, even though he has a commitment problem I keep on coming back for more.
He's dangerous.
He's James Bond, and now that Pierce Brosnan is out and Daniel Craig is in, I'm falling in love all over again. The first time since Sean Connery is there a gent that's approaching the role with a sensitivity I crave!
Oh, I'm so thrilled I cannot wait!
Borat tomorrow night.
Casino Royale on the 17th!
I wonder if I'll ever get a chance to act and be a Bond Girl to Daniel Craig's Bond.
This was a lame post. I'm losing my punch
Well, I do.
After a movie I open my mouth. Obviously, if you know me, this isn't coming as any great surprise. But, what came out was a waterfall of words kissed with overtones of giddy excitement and enthusiasm. You see, there are a few guys that I have my eye on, but, one in particular is intriguing me in a way I can't really describe.
With that said, the conversation was a monopoly and the language was gossip.
My gossip.
I can't take back the words that I said. I violated my personal challenge to resist devaluing another human being. I couldn't help it, I wanted to my friends everything I could. The guy is really sweet!
How do I right this? I can't just confess without:
A) Sounding Insane B) Admitting I think this person is special and C) Admitting that I spoke about them behind their back.
So I blog, in the only way I can confess in a semi public fashion.
I'm sorry.
I didn't say anything bad, just it was inappropriate.
I hope this can right the inbalance I placed in this universe!
Have you noticed that so many people are becoming celebrities and how seemingly easy it is to catch that star?
So, being a celeb is the new black.
And, the coolest woman to take on this trend, is none other than one of my bestest friends from Childhood, M'selle Julie Audette!
Julie, my beloved friend and longtime personal nutrition coach, has offered me the best of her services free of charge since she began. Now she's taking her message to move deserving folks with her own tv show on Canal. Her friendly no nonesense approach to good health through good nutrition will be seen by all. Who can resist her adorable French charm, good looks and honest intelligence? I can't!
She's helped to tackle head on my food worries and has been one of my best friends since we met in High School! So I wish you all the best on your new show, and I'll be there to share it with English Canada!
Oh and btw, Dodgeball is the new afterwork volleyball. I kid you not.
Click Here!
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Yes, Madonna can squish me if she so chooses, but, I was compelled to blog about this quote on her recent adoption:
"I have people say to me when I'm walking down the street, 'Why did you adopt a black child?' I don't dignify their question with a reply. But there is a lot of racism in the world. I think that's underneath a lot of people's prejudice about me adopting David. A lot of people have a problem with the fact that I've adopted an African child, a child who has a different color skin than I do. I'm not going to buy into it and neither are my children. So I don't worry about it. I don't live in a white world. I live in THE world. And my children are exposed to all cultures and all races and many belief systems."
- Madonna tells the Today show's Meredith Vieira
Madonna, here's the thing, this is why people have a "problem" with you adopting an African child.
Angelina Jolie and Bradd Pitt have cornered and are the masters of that market. You come in, go on a mission in Africa to adopt a child and the world feels that it's a ploy to acquire some of attention directed to the Jolie-Pitt camp.
Maybe it's not true.
Maybe it is.
Of all the adoptions that happen, of all the mixed races, why do I feel like you are making a mountain out of a mole hill? I'm glad you notified me of the public's curiousity with your recent adoption, had you not mentioned it I would have missed it entirely.
I'm just saying.
My gut instinct tells me that your selfless act of reaching out to another human being is a shameful act of self promotion through which you overturn a selfless activity into another disposible copy cat trend.
If it was less about self promotion and more about assisting one of the world's youth, are you discriminating against the thousands of orphaned children across the United States? Why is David much more worthy of your attention then any of your local underserved youth?
Waiting lists?
Perhaps.
Any seemingly normal individual deserves to adopt a child, however, I question the authenticity of your intentions when you conduct television interviews discussing the said adoption. There is nothing discreet nor tasteful about pimping out the public's opinion on your recent adoption for publicity and promotion.
Your child isn't of a different race because...
*soft moral inspired theme music*
we're all apart of the Human Race.
*end scene*
Frothers = Friends who are like Brothers.
Guy's Girl = Karmacake
Skanky Bitches or Pussy Patrol = My click i.e. - The Sistahs from Different Mistahs
Magger = A partner who is so unattractive you need to entertain yourself with a magazine
Bagger = A partner so unattractive that you need to cover their head with a bag
Double Bagger = A partner so unattractive that you need cover both your head and their head with a bag. Just in case their bag rips.
Magger, Bagger, Double Bagger courtesy of my Dearest Frother Mark (Adventure Guy) W.
Chic-Tard = A fashionably inept child of the world.
Prince Edward Island, often over looked by many as this tiny out of the way hick province of Canada. Populated by fisherman, farmers and blue collar government employees, how can there be anything of note happen there?
Well besides being the birthplace of yours truly, P.E.I.'s Heart and Stroke Foundation recently approved the use of clot busting drugs for the province's new integrated stroke strategy.
The Numbers
1 stroke can equal up to billions of brain cells or neurons to die. Which not only sucks it also means for every 100 people have a stroke:
15 die
10 recover completely
25 have mild impairment
40 are left with moderate to severe impairment
the rest need care
Drain on the economy?
$2.7 billion PLUS emotional strain
Hit 55 and your odds double every 10 years
This new integrated stroke strategy authorizes emergency room staff to administer tissue plasminogen activator (tPA) to patients with ischemic stroke.
HUH!?!
*sigh*
Fret not my beloved readers, it's quite simple.
Those suffering from an a blot clot in the brain, as opposed to a hemorrage, get this new CLOT BUSTING superhero drug to loosen the clot and allow the necessary nutrients to reach the brain.
No clot means that no neurons die, no chance of death, no impairment, and no $2.7 billion dollar and emotional strain.
It's not a wonder drug, it's just science.
Of course, like all new stars on the scene, this drug travels with a rider. It can only be used within 3 hours of onset of symptoms and under no circumstance will it be applied during a hemorrhagic stroke, it'll make everything a lot worse and no one wants that. Therefore, to determin which stroke the patient is suffering from a Cat Scan is vital.
YAY! PEI!
Guess what? The first person to benefit from this new integrated strategy is a Summerside homeboy, Mr. Noye. Do I know him? No, I don't think so. But, my pop's crew at Prince County Hospital saved his life with the new strategy. When all was said and done he left the hospital with no signs of illness what so ever.
Had this been a different time and place, Mr. Noye might would assuradly not have been so lucky.
Toronto's a great place, but, Summerside is on the map today!